The Girl He Never Knew
by argentine.kid
Summary: Lily Evans hates her life. Everyone is mean to her and teases her whenever possible. How can concern from a popular guy change and possibly save her life? How will she react when she finds out someone likes her? Has intended suicide. AU LJ
1. He Doesn't Know Me

_**THE GIRL HE NEVER KNEW**_

Disclaimer: I don't own anything.

Rated T (PG-13) for: Language, cutting, and attempted suicide.

Summary: Lily is as ugly and unpopular as one could get, hardly anyone knew her name. James is hot, popular, and wanted by all the girls. Lily starts getting attention in her sixth year, but it's definitely not the kind she wants. How will her crush, Sirius Black, ever even know she exists? AU. Mostly 3rd person limited (Lily's POV) or 3rd person omniscient.

They're in: Summer before Sixth Year/Train ride

**THIS CHAPTER HAS BEEN REWRITTEN (7/05)**

Chapter One: He Doesn't Know Her

Lily woke up regretfully. She had been having a wonderful dream. She was going out with an awesome, sweet guy, she was gorgeous and everyone knew her. For a split second she thought that she dream was reality, but the bright light from the sun stung her eyes as she opened them and made her realize that it was fake. Just a dream.

Stumbling out of her bed, she walked to the bathroom. Lily surveyed herself in the mirror. She looked even worse than usual. Dry drool was on the sides of her mouth and her eyes were half-closed with the yearning for sleep. Even though she had braided her poufy, red hair the night before, it had somehow come undone, leaving her hair in tangles.

"_Lily_!"

Groaning and rolling her eyes she walked down the hall into the kitchen, where her sister was sitting. Her hair was shining in the sunlight and her teeth were unnaturally white.

"What do you want, Petty dearest?" Lily said, her voice dripping with unnecessary sweetness. Petunia's pretty face was contorted with rage.

"I told you not to call me that!" she yelled. Lily looked her sister over and noticed she was wearing nicer clothing than usual. "Vernon," she continued, saying the name as it were sacred and beautiful, "is coming over today to me my family. And you too I suppose." Petunia's tiny brain seemed to have forgotten that Lily was family too, at least by blood.

"So?"

"Clean the house," Petunia snapped.

"It's your turn. In case you've forgotten, I cleaned it last week," Lily said without missing a beat.

"Well, I'm already dressed. You're still in your pajamas," she whined. Lily gave her a look that seemed to say I-don't-care. "I could make a public announcement. 'Lily Evans, witch!'"

"Wow, now you've really got me convinced!" Lily said sarcasm evident in her words.

Petunia glared at her and said, "Or I could tell Mum and Dad about your... cuts?"

Lily's eyes opened in surprise. She hadn't expected that one. Hesitating for a long moment, Lily stared at the stove behind her sister. "Fine," she said grudgingly.

She had cleaned the house enough times. It was really no problem to Lily doing it. Of course, setting a time limit and having someone breathing down your neck every minute proved to be quite challenging while cleaning.

After she finished, Lily glared at her sister and said, "There! Are you happy?"

Petunia inspected the house. "Passable." She looked at Lily, "Now get away from me, _witch_!"

Being a witch wasn't a problem for Lily. At least, at school it wasn't. Coming from a non-magical family wasn't a problem for Lily either. Well, only at home. Which ever world Lily wanted to be in, whether it be magical or non-magical, there would always be controversy about her blood. People at school seemed to dislike her for being Muggle-born. Her family seemed to dislike her because she was a witch.

It was almost enough to drive her over the edge. Almost. It's not like she hadn't tried either. Because she did. Anyone who looked closely enough at her arms would see lines of scabs that weren't quite accidental.

**_abc_**.

It was night time, dinner time specifically. Lily was hungry, but she didn't want her family to be throwing her significant looks throughout the time she was eating. Significant looks that seemed to tell her "Say a word and die."

So she made a simple decision. She wouldn't go down to dinner, again. For the third time this week. Beside, she didn't want to meet the ugly bloke in the dining room who called himself Vernon. Lily could never understand why someone as beautiful as Petunia could choose such an unattractive git as her boyfriend.

Soon, the laughter died away from her ears and her eyelids were drooping slowly over her eyes. She finally gave in to the temptation of sleep, only to wake up and experience another dreadful day when she awoke at the next sunrise.

**_abc_**.

Lily hugged her mother and father goodbye at the train station. Her sister hadn't bothered to come; she had a date with a pig. Despite being away from her family so long, she was joyous to be leaving her home.

Walking along the train corridor, she found an empty compartment near the middle and situated herself in the farthest corner from the door. Sighing, she pulled out one of her textbooks and began to read. Soon, she could feel the train begin to move. By nightfall she would be at her beloved school.

After a long while, the compartment door slid open with a loud snap. Lily jumped and dropping her book she grabbed her wand. "Mudblood..."

"W-what do you want, Malfoy?" she said, trying her hardest to sound brave, even though inside she was positively quaking with fear.

"Well, for one, I want you dead," Lucius Malfoy said silkily.

The compartment door slid open a second time.

**_ABC_**.

James Potter was on his way to the bathroom when he heard Malfoy saying, "Well, for one, I want you dead."

_Oh great. Malfoy is picking on some kid again._ He sighed. In what he imagined was a superhero voice he thought, _I should help! This calls for-dun dun dun!-Super James!_

"Stop right there, Malfoy!" he said loudly and deeply, in his wanna-be super hero voice. "_Impedimenta_!" he shouted as Malfoy turned and began to say a curse. James pushed Malfoy out of the compartment. When he was back to normal, he glared at James and walked away.

_Now, where is the damsel in distress..._ he looked around the compartment, before viewing a girl with extremely poufy hair, had acne and could do with loosing a few pounds. _Well, that defeats the purpose of the damsel. She's supposed to be pretty._

"Thanks," the girl said shyly, offering a small smile.

"You're welcome," James said grinning widely. James didn't recognize her at all. "Are you new here?" he asked bluntly.

Her expression changed from grateful to startled and then to rage in two seconds.

**_ABC_**.

"New?" she asked incredulously, "I am _not_ new! I've been coming here since First Year; I bet you didn't notice that I'm in your year? Or that I am in your House too? I'm Lily Evans, the one who always beats you in class, score wise!"

James's eyes widened in surprise to Lily's outburst. She pushed angrily past him, almost shoving him out of her way and stalked down the corridor to the bathroom. Walking into a stall, she began to cry quietly.

She had always known that she was not very well-known. But hearing someone actually _say_ that they hadn't known her, it was just too much to bear. It was a sudden realization to how harsh reality could be.

Lily rummaged through her pockets before finding what she was looking for. Her razor blade. She always took it with her, irregardless of where she went. Pulling up her sleeve she looked at her white arm and noting the even whiter scars. Tears were pouring out of her eyes as she closed them and placed the razor on her arm, making swift, long cuts.

Placing the razor blade back in her pocket, she looked at her bloody arm and cried silently. _Why do I do this to myself?_

**_abc_**.

Pretty soon, the train was stopping. Lily had fallen asleep on the plush seats of her compartment, but feeling the lack of movement from the train, she awoke suddenly. She threw open her trunk, glad that she had thought of putting her robes on top of everything else. Hastily throwing them on, she thrust all her things into her bag hurriedly.

As she walked briskly from the compartment, she didn't hear the dull _thud_ as her carelessly put away book fell to the ground.

**_ABC_**.

James Potter picked up the textbook, with full intention to giving it to Lily Evans, the girl he never knew.

**spotted kitten**: Inspiration for this fic was provided by _Celeste in the City_ on ABC Family.

Well, this chapter was rewritten, to all the old readers, do you like the rewritten chapter better? I do. Anyway, "**_ABC_**." capitols signifies POV change and "**_abc_**." lowercase signifies scene change. I used that because I used to use the squiggly thing and the asterisk, but I dunno why it doesn't show up on ff. Neither do the dashes... It's really frustrating so I just used Abc and I'll be using that for the rest of the story unless someone can come up with a better alternative?

Erm, **review**? Please? With a cherry on top? You get confetti )


	2. The First Day Back

Disclaimer: I don't own anything.

They're in: Sixth Year

Recap:

Pretty soon, the train was stopping. Lily had fallen asleep on the plush seats of her compartment, but feeling the lack of movement from the train, she awoke suddenly. She threw open her trunk, glad that she had thought of putting her robes on top of everything else. Hastily throwing them on, she thrust all her things into her bag hurriedly.

As she walked briskly from the compartment, she didn't hear the dull _thud_ as her carelessly put away book fell to the ground.

----

James Potter picked up the textbook, with full intention to giving it to Lily Evans, the girl he never knew.

**THIS CHAPTER HAS BEEN REWRITTEN (7/05)**

Chapter Two: The First Day Back

Lily entered the Great Hall and looked for an empty spot. She saw one and immediately went to go sit in it. As she sat down, she realized she had sat down next to Anna and Jopelle, two of Hogwarts prettiest, most popular girls. _Please don't let me do anything stupid_, Lily prayed.

For some reason, ever since First Year, the two girls had taken a great disliking to Lily and never tried to hide their cruel words when they had talked about her.

Professor Dumbledore stood up, as if to make a speech. He looked around at all the students and smiled, "To our new students, welcome! And to our returning students, welcome back!" He gazed fondly through out the Great Hall. "There is a time to make speeches, but this is not it. Eat!"

The students clapped and laughed appreciatively. Lily reached out to put food on her plate and began to eat.

----

"So, Prongs, that guy over there is pretty hot, isn't he?" Sirius pointed out a boy over at the Ravenclaw table.

"Oh yes," James replied, "but he could never measure up to you, Paddy dearest!"

Sirius batted his eyelashes jokingly before saying, "Please stop! You're making me blush!" They all laughed and Sirius said, "And you're right, he could never _measure_ up to me, I've got the biggest--"

"Sirius!" Remus cut through Sirius's words warningly.

"...brain! Sheesh, everything has to be perverted now, huh?" They all laughed again. "But really, what about Anna? She's er, _grown_ a lot over the summer."

James turned to look at her and began to agree, but that girl next to her... The frizzy red hair was slightly familiar...

"Ja-aaames!" Remus was waving his hand in front of James's face. Remus smiled smugly, "Look's like Prongs has a crush already."

"What?" James said, breaking his gaze and looking back at his friends. "No, I don't."

"Yeah... sure you don't," Peter, the smallest and dullest Marauder said.

"Shut it, Wormtail," James snapped. The only reason Sirius (the jokester of the group), James (the hot one), and Remus (the gentleman) had become friends with the mousy haired boy was because they felt bad that he had no friends and wasn't exactly the sharpest knife in the drawer. They also felt it was their duty to protect his from his teasing classmates.

----

After dinner and all the usual announcements had been made, the plates had cleared themselves and students were sleepy, eager to get into bed. Lily walked up to Gryffindor Tower and felt happy. She didn't feel this emotion often so she hung on to it and relished it for as long as she could.

Yawning, she changed into her comfortable pajamas and slipped into bed, falling asleep almost at the same instant that her head rested against the pillow.

_Potions is so utterly completely useless. I hate Potions... I'd rather be doing Transfiguration, or Defense, or_--

"...Ms. Evans?" the Potions master was directing a question at her.

_Oh shit_. "Er, what?" Lily replied.

The Potions master, Professor Walden was generally a really nice man. He was usually fair to all the students, but he absolutely hated it when a student wasn't paying attention to him. He sighed, "I'm sorry but five points from Gryffindor for lack of attention. Now, who knows the answer?"

Severus Snape was almost off his chair, waving his hand energetically saying at the same time, "I know it! Oh, pick me! I know it!"

Professor Walden smiled, "Mr. Snape?"

"Teacher's pet..." James said, loud enough for the class to hear, but not quite loud enough for the professor to her. Snape glared at James but answered the question right anyway.

"Excellent! Very well-worded. Ten points to Slytherin!"

----

"So, who was the loser who made us lose points today in Potions?" Sirius asked after the lesson as they walked to the Great Hall for lunch.

"You mean besides you?" Peter sniggered.

"Duh."

"She isn't a loser." Remus, Sirius, and Peter turned to look at James. "Well, she isn't." They shrugged and continued to walk. Since when did James defend people who made them lose points? He had always been the one who ragged on them the most.

----

Lily walked into the Great Hall and sat at the end of the table, by herself. _As usual_, Lily thought. She wished that she could have friends. Lily hadn't yet discovered the joy of friendship, and she feared that she never would. Lily sighed sadly and waited for the food to appear.

Staring at the doors, she watched as people met up with the friends and sat down together. Remus and Peter entered and sat down together near the middle of the table. A few minutes later James walked in, stuffing parchment into his pocket. He looked around, and began to make his way toward his friends. But before he moved even a few feet, a new person appeared. Sirius Black jumped on James's back and yelled "Jamie boy!"

Several people laughed at them. James rolled his eyes but gave his friend a piggy back ride anyway. Seconds later, a shout had erupted from Sirius yet again grinning goofily, "Moony! Wormtail! My friends!"

Even Professor Dumbledore heard the shout and turned to them. He chuckled and continued his conversation with Professor McGonagall.

James and Sirius sat with their friends, laughing about something. Lily wistfully stared at them. She so badly wanted to have a friendship like they had with each other. She wanted friends more than anything.

Still staring at them, James pulled out a book and pointed over at Lily's direction. Quickly looking down and blushing, her heart began beating wildly at just the thought that Sirius Black would be finally noticing. She had a crush on him since fifth year.

But her heart fell as she heard him shout _again_. "Hey Anna! Come sit with us!" Lily heard Anna and Jopelle giggling and saw them walk over to them out of the corner of her eye. She felt her eyes begin to water. _I can't cry. I should've known he wouldn't be looking at me. He doesn't even know who I am..._ She looked up at the stormy ceiling, willing herself not to cry. Before she finally succeeded, one single tear fell down her cheek.

----

James pulled out a book. "Are we turning into a bookworm, Prongs?" Sirius said, eyeing what James had taken out of his book bag.

He shook his head, "No, it's Lila's. I was going to give it back to her." He pointed at her to show them who it was. James saw Lily look down at her food and blush.

Sirius turned to look at who Lila was, but saw Anna and Jopelle instead. "Hey Anna!" he shouted, "Come sit with us!" James watched Lily as she looked up at the sky and appeared to have an inner battle.

Before her inner battle had seemingly come to an end, a single tear fell down her cheek.

"So, what do you think of it, Prongs?"

Paying attention once more to his friends once he heard his nickname he replied, "Er, yeah sure."

"I said," Sirius said, his eyes sparkling mischievously, "'let's pants James!'"

"Oh, well I'm still all for it!" James joked.

"_I_, for one would not like to see James in his underpants..." Sirius trailed off, "but I know _plenty_ of girls who would be delighted to." They all laughed and James had momentarily forgotten Lily.

**spotted kitten**: Rewriting the chapter has been mucho fun. Thanks to those who reviewed the first version: **Scary Person, mira is lazy, kitty katty, elise, Swishy Willow Wand, Miss Lady Marauder, **and** DerangedButMagic**.


	3. Burned

Disclaimer: I don't own anything.

They're in: Sixth Year

Recap:

Before her inner battle had seemingly come to an end, a single tear fell down her cheek.

"So, what do you think of it, Prongs?"

Paying attention once more to his friends once he heard his nickname he replied, "Er, yeah sure."

"I said," Sirius said, his eyes sparkling mischievously, "'let's pants James!'"

"Oh, well I'm still all for it!" James joked.

"_I_, for one would not like to see James in his underpants..." Sirius trailed off, "but I know _plenty_ of girls who would be delighted to." They all laughed and James had momentarily forgotten Lily.

**THIS CHAPTER HAS BEEN REWRITTEN (7/05)**

Chapter Three: Burned

After dinner, the four Marauders returned to the common room. Sirius looked around the room and observed the different students. The words they dreaded coming from Sirius's mouth most was said, "I'm bored."

The other three boys exchanged looks and were wary of what Sirius might choose to entertain himself. "Well," Remus started cautiously and slowly, "what do you want to do?"

"Snog senselessly?" Peter smirked, well, he wanted it to be a smirk but it didn't quite work.

"Shut up Peabrain!" Sirius snapped, rounding on Peter.

**_Change_**.

James awoke early for a strange and unusual reason so he decided to go down to breakfast early. It must have been really early because there were hardly any people in the Great Hall except for all of the teachers.

He looked for someone to sit with at the Gryffindor table: He saw some First Years, trying to cram in a few extra minutes of studying, a few Fourth Years looking quite bored, and a Seventh Year who looked as if she needed a friend.

He decided to go sit with her. He walked in between the Ravenclaw and Gryffindor tables down to where Lily was sitting. "Hello!" he said brightly as he sat down across from her. He watched her as her eyes opened wide in surprise.

Lily looked around her and deciding that he was, indeed, speaking to her, said uncertainly, "Me?"

"Of course, you silly goose!" James said playfully as he began putting food on his plate.

Lily began thinking. _Why is he sitting with me? We're not friends... maybe he needs my homework._ "So what do you need? Transfiguration, Potions, Charms, or Astronomy? Those are the only things we had due today," she said absentmindedly pulling out the assignments as she named them.

"What are you doing?" James said perplexedly.

"Aren't you going to copy? That's the only reason I could think of as to why you're sitting with me." She looked sad.

"Well, no. I came just because."

"Oh," she put her assignments away and muttered, "sorry."

"You don't need to be sorry. You didn't offend me." _Was she always like this?_ James thought.

Lily opened her mouth to respond, but just then, "_Prongs_! I woke up and you weren't there! I got scared!" Sirius walked swiftly toward James.

James smiled apologetically at Lily, "Sirius is a tad bit off his rocker..." He stood up, "See you, er, Lila."

James walked away and the small bubble of happiness inside Lily burst. He didn't even know her name. "It's Lily," she whispered.

**_Change_**.

Later that night, Lily sat on her bed writing in her diary. She had written almost a full page before being interrupted.

"Whatcha doin'?"

Lily snapped her diary shut and tried to put it away. "Nothing."

"That's what I thought," Anna, a popular girl, smiled evilly, "I mean, what would a nerd like you be doing? Besides reading or homework, of course," she laughed as if what she had said what hilarious. "Well, I didn't mean to interrupt you..." she laughed again and snatched the diary away from her.

"Give it back!"

"'_Dear Diary,_'" she mimicked in a high-pitched voice, "'_Sometimes I wish I could just die,_' You're not the only one who wishes that. '_I don't think anyone realizes that they really hurt me when they say something mean to me. They don't realize I don't like their type of "jokes." _' Well, why not? They're extremely amusing. '_I hate everyone and everything,_' Well, we hate you too."

"Stop! Please! Just give it back to me!" Lily whined, tears now pouring down her cheeks.

"Alright, I'll stop." Lily reached out to get her diary back but before she could close her fingers around it, Anna threw it into the dormitory fireplace. "Oops," she sneered.

Lily shrieked.

Downstairs, the four boys heard the shriek.

"Should we go see what's going on?" Remus inquired.

"No, I don't want to," Peter said, afraid of what he might find upstairs.

"Stay here Petey," Sirius said. "She could be in danger!" Sirius shouted, sounding uncannily like Superman.

With their tricks, they got upstairs and threw open the door to the dorm in which they thought they heard the scream. James saw that Anna had been standing by Lily, laughing at her while Lily was on her knees crying and staring at the fire.

"What's going on?" Sirius said, getting more confused by the second.

Anna looked up and said brightly, "Hi James!" and on a second thought added, "Hi guys!"

"What's going on though?" Remus echoed Sirius.

"I _accidentally_ dropped her diary in the fire. I didn't mean to. It was accidental, honest," she said. It sounded much too innocent for the boys to believe.

"_It wasn't accidental! You did it on purpose!_" Lily screeched from the floor. "You don't understand! You don't understand anything," she repeated quietly, sobbing on the floor.

Anna mouthed to the guys, "Psycho!"

They all nodded, though all were unconvinced that it was an accident and that that was all there was to it. _Why is she crying so damn hard?_ James thought, watching Lily crying on the floor. _It was just a diary..._

Sirius, James and Remus slid down the staircase and down to the common room. Once they had left, Lily turned to Anna, "Why do you have to be so mean to me? What did I do?" The tears were still streaming down her cheeks. "What did I do?" she repeated more strongly.

"Chill out!" Anna shouted at her, "It was just a joke! Nothing personal, geez."

"But you don't understand! How would you feel if I threw a special something of yours into the fire?"

Anna smirked again, "You don't have the guts to." She turned to leave and was almost at the door when she heard a whisper.

Lily's whisper sounded so sad and so hurt, "Why do you hate me?"

Anna pretended she hadn't heard, pretended that she did not feel guilty.

She pretended that she didn't care.

**spotted kitten**: Um, thanks for reviewing. And review! Ha. Thanks to those who reviewed the first version: **Miss Lady Marauder, Amandinka, Swishy Willow Wand, **and** DerangedButMagic**.


	4. About to Find Out

Disclaimer: I don't own anything.

They're in: Sixth Year

Recap:

"But you don't understand! How would you feel if I threw a special something of yours into the fire?"

Anna smirked again, "You don't have the guts to." She turned to leave and was almost at the door when she heard a whisper.

Lily's whisper sounded so sad and so hurt, "Why do you hate me?"

Anna pretended she hadn't heard, pretended that she did not feel guilty.

She pretended that she didn't care.

**THIS CHAPTER HAS BEEN REWRITTEN (7/05)**

Chapter Four: About to Find Out

Why did James care so much about why Lily was crying so hard? He really shouldn't. He had many other, _better_ things to worry about instead of Lily. Actually, at this moment he should be working on the Astronomy essay. But how could he concentrate when he couldn't rid himself of the image of Lily sobbing on the floor?

He slapped his forehead absentmindedly, it really didn't concern him. He really should just forget about it, right?

"Prongs is having one of his inner battles... shall we help him out?" Sirius asked Remus casually as he watched his friend from across the Common Room.

Remus looked up from his book in time to see James slap his forehead again. "Er, do whatever you want, Padfoot."

"Okay," Sirius grinned mischievously. He made his way across the Common Room as if he were going up to his dormitory, yawning loudly. When James's back was facing him, he crept quietly behind his friend's chair.

Just as Sirius was about to yell out "Boo!" James interrupted Sirius before he had a chance to say anything. "Did you think you could scare me?"

Sirius pouted playfully and responded, "I thought you would've forgotten by now. It _was_ in Second Year... go figure..."

"You haven't forgotten yet."

Sirius feigned a look of deep thoughtfulness, "Point taken."

**_ABC_**.

Anna didn't understand what that diary had meant to Lily... her grandmother had given it to her before she had even known she was a witch. Of course, after her grandmother found out, she always ignored Lily. Lily had always written her thoughts and feelings in that diary.

It wasn't the kind of diary that one kept for a week before forgetting about it. It was the kind of diary that you wrote in periodically, keeping it for as long as you needed it. And now, it was gone. All her thoughts, feelings, emotions... all burned to a crisp in the Gryffindor sixth year fireplace.

Lily felt her eyes begin to water as she relived what happened. _Do _not_ cry! She's already seen you cry, don't do it again!_ Lily could not give Anna the satisfaction of knowing how horrible Lily felt.

**_abc_**.

Lily seemed to be as withdrawn as ever. Since the "diary incident" she had received nasty, cruel comments like, "Stupid cry baby! It was just a diary!" and "You have no right to make Anna feel sorry for you! She did nothing wrong!" And every time Lily happened to be near Anna, she would shoot Lily a disgusting smirk which plainly said, "I hate you."

_Why?_ Lily found herself asking this a lot, _Is it even worth it to live like this? Is this what I get up in the morning for? Would anyone even notice if I was _gone

**_ABC_**.

"No, I'll meet you guys later, I forgot my textbook in class," James had called over his shoulder, turning and going back to his Charms classroom. When he got to the Charms corridor, he heard voices.

Stopping to listen to them, he heard, "C'mon you ugly bitch! Why don't you get up and fight for once!" It was definitely Jopelle's voice.

He heard a cruel laugh, "You can do whatever you want, you can't make either one of us look like bitches!" James realized that was Anna's voice.

Mumbling. "What was that, stupid?"

"I didn't mean to..." the last voice sounded weak, hurt and vulnerable.

James stepped around the corner and what he saw made him sick. Anna and Jopelle were pointed their wands a girl on the floor who was crying.

"Oh, James!" Anna walked forward and entwined her arm with his. "Why don't you help us? We can make her feel like nothing, you know..."

"I know," James took Anna's arm off of his and rushed to Lily. He helped her up and said to Anna and Jopelle, "That's why I'm not going to help you. Are you okay?" he finished gently, addressing Lily.

Lily looks grateful and nodded, giving him a watery smile.

"Do you want to go to the Hospital Wing? I'll go with you, if you want," he offered. Anna and Jopelle were shocked.

"Okay," Lily answered shakily.

"Let's go, Lila." Lily was too shaken and upset to even correct James.

"It's Lily," she whispered, but it seemed as if James didn't hear her.

**_ABC_**.

It was nearly eleven when she was finally able to leave the Hospital Wing. The new nurse, Madame Pomfrey had wanted to keep her overnight, but Lily convinced her otherwise.

Lily was afraid though. She was afraid that it would happen again, and what if the next time no one would be there to save her? _There won't be a next time_, Lily thought bitterly as she crept into her dormitory. She rummaged quietly in the drawer of her bedside table.

Finally finding what she was looking for, she made her way back to the Common Room. _Why did I get put in Gryffindor? I'm not brave... and I have no one to be loyal to..._

Lily sat in a comfy chair by the fire, unaware that someone was sitting in the chair next to her.

"Hi," Lily jumped and saw the source of the voice: James Potter.

"Hello," Lily mumbled and stared at the dieing fire.

"Do you feel any better?"

Lily looked into his eyes, sincerity was shining in them. "I do, thank you." She continued to stare at the fire.

"Lila--"

"Lily. My name is Lily."

James's face reddened slightly. "Sorry. Lily, I just wanted to let you know that you shouldn't listen to Anna and Jopelle. They only put other people down to make themselves feel better. Ignore them, okay?" Lily couldn't help but notice the honesty and concern in his voice.

Lily let out a shaky breath she hadn't been aware that she had been holding, "Okay."

They were both quiet for a while before James broke the silence. "I guess I've never noticed you before. I don't know why though." Lily responded with silence. "I'm sorry for anything I might've done. It was unintentional."

"You never did anything to hurt me, you just didn't notice me," Lily replied slowly.

They were silent once more. "I bet that hurt, didn't it?" James noticed Lily's impassive expression turn into a grim one.

_How does he know how I feel? He's never been ignored before, how would he know that? But still, he knows._ After a very long period of silence, Lily said, "You don't know how much it does."

**_ABC_**.

After what seemed half an hour, James opened his mouth to say something to Lily, but he had noticed that she was asleep. She looked so peaceful when she was asleep. He might even go as far as consider her pretty.

But didn't fire light make one appear pretty anyway? _No,_ James thought, _she still isn't pretty. I should take her up to her bed..._ But wouldn't it look suspicious if he was caught taking her to bed in the dead of night? He was going to leave her in the Common Room.

As he carried her to the nearest couch, he saw a small, shiny, silver object fall from Lily's hand. He would investigate in a bit. After he gently put her down on the couch and covered her with his cloak, he turned and looked at the mysterious shining object on the floor and he bent down to pick it up.

**spotted kitten**: Thanks to those who reviewed the first version: **taniita, DerangedButMagic, Silver Mist4, LiL AcA ViLLa, iluvjames, DLster, **and **skablack**. Thanks for reviewing (if you did). And if not, well, what are you waiting for?


	5. Going Too Far

Disclaimer: I don't own anything.

They're in: Sixth Year

Recap:

After what seemed half an hour, James opened his mouth to say something to Lily, but he had noticed that she was asleep. She looked so peaceful when she was asleep. He might even go as far as consider her pretty.

But didn't fire light make one appear pretty anyway? _No,_ James thought, _she still isn't pretty. I should take her up to her bed..._ But wouldn't it look suspicious if he was caught taking her to bed in the dead of night? He was going to leave her in the Common Room.

As he carried her to the nearest couch, he saw a small, shiny, silver object fall from Lily's hand. He would investigate in a bit. After he gently put her down on the couch and covered her with his cloak, he turned and looked at the mysterious shining object on the floor and he bent down to pick it up.

**THIS CHAPTER HAS BEEN REWRITTEN (8/05)**

Chapter Five: Going Too Far

"What would Lily need a razor blade for?" James asked himself quietly as he inspected the silver rectangle on his palm.

A sudden thought appeared in his mind, _Please don't let me be right..._ He grabbed her wrist and screwed his eyes shut. He took a deep breath, prepared for the worst and turned her wrist over. Still dreading what he might see, he cautiously opened his eyes.

He let out his breath and smiled with relief.

Wait, what's that skinny white line on her arm? "No!" he whispered fiercely to the empty Common Room. There was more than one scar... James counted about twelve before he realized he was going to be sick.

_Why would she do this?_ James asked himself, and flashes of memories he hadn't known he still remembered played through his mind: _Laughing -- Lily crying -- no one helping her -- Lily on the floor -- pointing -- crueler laughs -- chanting: "Lily is a loser! Lily is a loser!" -- people pushing her -- tripping her..._

James shook his head, trying to clear these images from his mind. He shuddered involuntarily.

Lily was a cutter: and he was partly responsible for it.

**_ABC_**.

Lily opened her eyes groggily but shut them immediately; the bright sun hurt her eyes. She opened her eyes again, and took in her surroundings. Her eyes darted around and questions popped through her head. _Where am I? Whose cloak is this? Where's my razor? What time is it?_

She slowed her thinking. This place was familiar... "Common Room," she muttered and could have slapped herself, it was so obvious, where else would she be?

She glanced at her watch. It read 5:37. Two questions were answered, but before she even had time to consider the last two, she noticed James.

"You woke up," he said in a monotonous tone.

Lily smiled sadly and answered, "Unfortunately."

"Why do you have this?" He held up her razor blade so she could get a good look at it.

"Where did you get that?" Lily whispered, terrified that he knew her secret and involuntarily clasped her arm where she had cut herself previously.

"It was in your hand when you fell asleep last night. Lily, do you cut yourself?" James asked, hoping that it was just a wild thought of his that he accidentally thought was true, but Lily looked away, shamefaced.

"I saw your scars," James supplied quietly.

"You saw them?" Lily was still not meeting his gaze.

"Yes, why did you do it?"

Lily looked suddenly angry and met his gaze coldly, "What's it to you, eh? You didn't notice me for five years and when you did finally know me, you didn't even know my name! Just because you finally know my name and you've seen what I do doesn't mean that you know _me_! Why don't you go back to how it was before you realized that there was a person named Lily Evans in the world and leave me alone?" She snatched her razor blade from him and walked briskly across the Common Room.

She was halfway up the stairs when she heard him call her name out. Without stopping, she continued her way into her dorm and slipped into bed, closing the curtains around her bed quickly.

She held on to her pillow tightly and felt like crying. She had just lost her only chance of becoming friends with someone.

**_ABC_**.

Lily hadn't shown up to classes that day and James worried profusely. _Did she do something to herself?_ Thoughts and images of what Lily could have done to herself plagued his mind, each thing he pictured was worse than the one before it.

Why hadn't she come to classes?

"Jaaaaames!"

"Huh? Oh, um, right. Sure," James responded without thinking.

"Are you there James?" Peter waved his hand in front of James's head and began to knock on his forehead, "The light's on but nobody's home!"

James pushed his hand away roughly and snapped, "What do you want?"

"Jebus, no need to be so mean," Peter replied grumpily, somewhat offended, "I was just joking..."

Remus, by far the wisest and smartest one of the Marauders asked, "Do you want to talk about it?"

James glanced at his friend, immediately taking in his concerned eyes. He sighed, "Not now, Moony. Maybe some other time..."

"Come on, students! I want to see a perfect Enlargement Charm!" Professor Flitwick squeaked.

**_ABC_**.

Lily didn't feel like going to classes that day. She honestly didn't feel like it, who would want to anyway? She had the chance to get a friend, but she had pushed him away. No one would want to go to classes after something like that happened to them.

She didn't feel like living anymore either. She had nothing to live for, nothing at all. Her family hated her for being a witch and the wizarding world hated her for being a Muggle-born. Everyone hated her, she just didn't belong anywhere. _Maybe I won't have to live like this anymore... not after tonight... if only I had the guts to..._ Maybe she did.

**_abc_**.

Lily crept down the staircase into the Common Room when it was nearly two in the morning. Sitting down in front of the fireplace, she stared at the dieing embers.

Rocking back and forth, she held the razor blade to her arm. Closing her eyes tightly, she slashed at her arm making deep cuts. She cried as she did so.

_I always feel better when I do this, but the stress always comes back._

Crying silently, she cradled her bleeding arm. It stung as hell, but it felt so good...

**_ABC_**.

James yawned widely and felt his stomach grumbling. _I should have ate something at dinner_, he thought as he grabbed his Invisibility Cloak and his wand. He intended to go to the kitchens, but at the bottom of the stairs he realized that he was hearing cries.

Confused, he looked around and saw that a person was sitting in front of the unlit fire. Curious, he walked over to the person, "Lily?" he asked cautiously when he was closer and saw her red, poufy hair.

She was rocking back and forth, and to James it looked like if Lily stopped, her whole world would come crashing down on her. He reached out to grab her shoulder, but he noticed her arm... it was bleeding. He suddenly didn't feel hungry anymore. "Lily," he called out softly again, "what did you do?"

She stopped rocking abruptly and turned to look at him slowly. Blinking rapidly, she swayed a little and looked into his eyes, they were full of fear and something else -- relief maybe?

"James," she croaked, "please don't tell." She fell forward onto James. She had gone too far this time.

James cursed and set her back on the couch. "Fuck!" he muttered angrily as he ran back upstairs to his dorm._ What do I do? What do I do?_ he thought frantically trying to think of anything that could help her. He did the first thing he always did when he was upset or in trouble.

"Sirius!" he shook him violently. "Please wake up!"

"Whozzair?" he said groggily.

"Please Sirius!" James was begging now, "I need your help; I don't know what to do!"

Sirius noticed the pleading showing through his voice and woke up fully, "What's wrong?" he asked seriously.

James was pale now, "It's Lily, she's cut herself. Bad. I don't know what to do!"

"I'll get McGonagall. Stay with her." Sirius ran toward the Portrait Hole, trying to get to his teacher fast enough.

James took Lily gingerly in his arms and whispered, "It'll be okay, Sirius is getting help..." He counted numerous cuts before McGonagall burst through the portrait hole with Sirius closely behind her.

She gasped when she saw Lily. "I'm taking her to the Hospital Wing."

**spotted kitten**: Thanks to those who reviewed the first version of this chapter: **LiL AcE ViLLa**, **Amandinka**, **Crazy Eyed**, **Silver Mist4**, and **DLster**.


	6. There's a Bright Side

Disclaimer: I don't own anything.

They're in: Sixth Year

Recap:

James was pale now, "It's Lily, she's cut herself. Bad. I don't know what to do!"

"I'll get McGonagall. Stay with her." Sirius ran toward the Portrait Hole, trying to get to his teacher fast enough.

James took Lily gingerly in his arms and whispered, "It'll be okay, Sirius is getting help..." He counted numerous cuts before McGonagall burst through the portrait hole with Sirius closely behind her.

She gasped when she saw Lily. "I'm taking her to the Hospital Wing."

**THIS CHAPTER HAS BEEN REWRITTEN (8/05)**

Chapter Six: There's a Brighter Side

Professor McGonagall levitated Lily and drifted her quickly to the Hospital Wing, James and Sirius at her heels.

"Poppy! Poppy!" McGonagall yelled frantically when she finally reached her destination.

**_ABC_**.

There was a lot of bustling about when Lily awoke the next morning. Lily willed herself to go back to sleep, she had been having such a nice dream...

_Wait_, Lily thought suddenly as she opened one eye tentively, _where am I?_ When she finally realized that she was in the Hospital Wing, she groaned inwardly. Running a hand through her already messy hair, she tried to think of why she was there.

_I was in the Common Room, I did what I had to do... then what?_ James. She closed her eyes in regret, _I told him not to tell..._ He had told someone after all. She looked at her arm, everything was healed. But she did a double-take. Where were her scars? They had been there for years.

It had been the one thing in her life that was constant. Where were her symbols of insecurity? She ran her fingers slowly over where her scars should have been, trying to feel the slightest bump. There wasn't any.

The curtains flew open, and she jerked her head up to look at the intruder. "You're awake," Madam Pomfrey said unceremoniously. "I did try to make those boys be quiet, but you know... boys will be boys."

"Oh, right."

The young nurse handed her a cup of steaming, crimson potion. Lily pulled a face when she caught a whiff of it. "Well don't just stare at it, drink it."

Lily downed the potion in one gulp, feeling it burn all the way down. "Who else is here?"

"Four Gryffindor sixth years."

Without asking, Lily already knew who they were, but asked to make sure.

The nurse responded, "Mr. Black, Mr. Pettigrew, and Mr. Potter are currently visiting Mr. Lupin." She gave the four a disapproving glare before closing the curtains once more, muttering to herself.

It was finally night time. Lily had tried all day to figure out what had been wrong with Remus, he was pale and sweaty, but she just couldn't figure it out. Lily was feeling as if she should be asleep, but she had trouble getting to it. She heard the door creak open and wondered who it could be at this time of night.

She glanced at the door. It was shut. She rubbed her eyes, trying to get to sleep, but when she opened her eyes again, James Potter was standing right in front of her. Letting out a startled gasp, she hissed, "What are you doing here?"

He closed the curtains around her bed and cast a sound-proofing charm on them. "I came to talk to you," he said in normal tones.

"I gathered that much." They were silent for a while.

"Why?" James asked suddenly.

"Why what?" she snapped, knowing what he was going to say next.

"Why did you do what you did to yourself?" James responded.

"Like I said, it doesn't concern you. Would you kindly leave? I'd like to go to sleep now." Why was she pushing him away again?

"Lily!" James said frustrated. "Why won't you tell me? If you keep bottling up your emotions like this, it'll just be worse next time. You could have died!"

"That was the plan," Lily whispered before she had time to think. Lily clapped her hands over her mouth and her eyes opened wide.

"What?" Lily looked away, unable to look James in the eye after what she had just said. She felt his warm hand on her cold one. "Don't..."

"Don't what?" she whispered, staring out at the moon. It was almost full, tomorrow night it would surely be full.

"Don't say that. You're not thinking..."

"Yes I am," Lily snapped, "I thought about all the people who hate me, I thought about all the things they say and do, I thought about the prejudice, James. It just isn't worth it..."

"No! Don't think that way! Think about all the good things--!"

"Like what?" Lily interrupted.

"Like your friends and family and things that make you happy." James was getting frantic in his desperation to make her see the good things in life.

"I don't have friends, my family hates me, and nothing makes me happy."

"I'm your friend." Lily finally looked at him. He was being honest, she could tell. His beautiful hazel eyes seemed to tell her that she could trust him.

Eyes filling with unshed tears, she blinked rapidly to get rid of them. She actually had a friend. A _real_ friend.

"Don't cut yourself anymore, Lily. Please..." he quietly begged her.

Lily stayed quiet weighing her options. Option one: keep cutting and lose a friend. Option two: quit cutting and have a friend. Obviously, there were more things to be gained with option two. "Okay," she said finally, sighing. "I'll stop."

James gave Lily's hand a quick, reassuring squeeze before letting go and gave her a relieved smile, "Good."

**_abc_**.

Lily was back in her dorm room and had her crimson, velvet hangings closed around her. She had the razor blade in her hand. _What am I going to do? I as good as promised that I wouldn't do it anymore_, anguished thoughts flew through her head. _I can't cut... Jams will know... I can't write... I don't want the same thing to happen with Anna or Jopelle..._ What could she do?

All options she had thought of were not good enough. At the moment, she had been working on drawing a diagram of Jupiter's moons for Astronomy, but she had been absentmindedly doodling on the edges of her diagram.

_Drawing._

It didn't matter that Lily wasn't a great artist, as long she could recognize what she was drawing and what it was about, it didn't matter that no one else could. In fact, it would be better. No one would know what she was drawing, giving her a small sense of privacy. _Besides, I could just wipe it clean with a magic eraser._

Lily went down to the Great Hall for dinner, relived that she had found a solution to her problem. She sat down by herself as usual and finished early, consequently going to bed early too.

Even though today was not the best day ever, she knew that things were going to get better. She knew because today was the first day in a _long_ time that she had not cried. Not at all, not even a single tear.

**_abc_**.

James awoke quite early the next morning, he was careful to be quiet: Sirius had informed him last night that he intended to sleep until dinner. He went down to the Great Hall and saw Lily sitting by herself.

"Hullo," James said cheerfully, sitting down across from her.

"H-hi," Lily responded, trying unsuccessfully to stifle a yawn as she watched James grab pancakes, bacon, French toast, hash browns, waffles, eggs, and sausages. "Are you feeding the whole world, James, or just yourself?" she joked.

"Just me!" he said brightly, and Lily laughed. _When was the last time I did _that she wondered. Lily couldn't remember the last time she laughed or smiled genuinely.

"I couldn't even eat _half_ of that!" Just then, Sirius decided to walk into the Great Hall.

"Wow, he has awoken! He swore to me that he'd be sleeping in until dinner," he told Lily. "Hey Sirius! Mate, come sit with us!" he called to Sirius.

Lily panicked, "Oh my gosh, why did you do that? Sirius Black, going to eat _here_! Right across from me! James, why did you tell him to eat here?"

James furrowed his eyebrows, "Why? Do you hate him or something?"

"No!"

Realization dawned on him, "Oh! You like him!"

Lily turned the color of her hair, "Just a little..."

"Just a little what?" Sirius asked, plopping into the seat next to Lily's.

**spotted kitten**: A thank you to those who read the first draft of this chapter: **Silver Mist4**, **xxSpAzZiExx**, **taniita**, **DLster**, **Swishy Willow Wand**, **LiL AcE ViLLa**, and **Amandinka**.


	7. Changes

Disclaimer: Yes, this again. I do not own anything. Everything belongs to the brilliant J. K. Rowling.

They're in: Sixth Year

Recap:

Lily panicked, "Oh my god, Sirius Black is going to eat _here_! Right across from me! James, why did you tell him to eat here?!"

"What, do you hate him or something?"

"No!"

James caught on, "You like him!"

Lily turned red, "Maybe just a little. . ."

"Maybe just a little what?" Sirius asked.

Chapter Seven: Changes

"Um . . . m-maybe just a little, uh-" Lily stuttered.

"Maybe just a little butter for her pancakes, right Lily?" James helped her. He wasn't about to embarrass her after what she had just been through.

Lily looked totally relieved, "Yeah, hand me the butter please."

James handed her the butter and when she thought Sirius wasn't looking, she mouthed 'Thanks,' to James. He winked at her and said, "So, Sirius, why did you wake up so early?"

"Actually, now that you ask . . ."

---

"Why did she mouth thanks to you? She could have said it aloud you know," Sirius asked as soon as they left the Great Hall.

James pondered for a moment on what he should say. If he lied, Sirius would know that he was lying, and if he didn't . . . but Lily wouldn't know. "Well, in simple words," he began "she likes you mate."

Sirius didn't act the least bit surprised. "And one more name to add to the list of girls who like me."

James looked at Sirius uncertainly, "Is that all she is to you? Just another name on The List?"

"Hey, calm down. I was just joking!"

"Good, because she is more than just another name on the list."

Lily had a pad of blank paper in front of her and a pencil in her hand. She put the pencil on the paper, unsure of what to draw. Then she got a picture in her mind and began drawing it. The lines flowed onto the paper gracefully and made designs Lily never thought she could make.

Because she was concentrated on the picture, she didn't notice the person who sat next to her.

"Hi," the voice said quietly. Lily jumped and looked at the person. It was a boy in her year, and he had red hair, just like her.

"Hi," she responded.

The boy seemed to be thinking and said, "My name is Thomas Weasley. You're Lily Evans, right?"

Lily was flattered that someone knew her name. "Yeah," she smiled at him. "Do you have a brother who graduated a few years ago?"

Thomas replied, "Yup, Arthur. He and his girlfriend, Molly Prewett, are going to be married soon."

"How lovely! I received a letter just the other day that Vernon, my sister's boyfriend, has proposed to Petunia, my older sister. In my opinion though, he's an ugly fat . . . thing. I don't know how anyone could like him," they both laughed at this. _Wow, laughing twice in one day. This has got to be one of the best days!_

Within what seemed like a little while they each knew everything about each other. Lily told him things that she hadn't told anyone before, and Thomas told Lily things he had never mentioned to anyone.

The Common Room was empty, the fire had died down quite a while ago, and the lamps seemed to be buzzing for the two teens to turn them off. Thomas glanced at the clock and said, "Wow, 12:30. I think we should be going to bed."

"Yup," Lily said regretfully. They both stood up and looked at each other awkwardly. "Well, goodnight," Lily supplied.

"Goodnight," Thomas said.

James was lying in bed thinking of what he had seen just seen a few hours ago.

James walked into the Common Room, he wanted to talk to Lily, and found her drawing on the couch.

He was just about to approach her when another boy did. Thomas Weasley. The Potters' had always been close friends with the Weasleys' but there was no friendship between James Potter and Thomas Weasley. Actually, there was some sort of dislike between each other.

And for some reason, James felt hurt. _Who had been there with her at her worst time? Not him._ There was also this new emotion he hadn't felt before . . . One that he just couldn't describe.

Lily was sitting in the Transfiguration class when she noticed how Professor McGonagall kept looking at her worriedly, as if Lily would just break down crying and do something dangerous. _I'm not going to do that Professor! I'm not going to do anything weird . . ._ she kept wanting to yell out.

She also noticed how the rest of the class kept glancing at her every now and then.

_Geez, I didn't want _everyone_ to know what happened. I hope all of the teachers are going to act this way._

But as we went from class to class, her worries turned out to be true. _All_ of the teachers knew. And that wasn't even the worst part. All of the students knew too! Could this day be any worse?

---

About a week after 'The Incident' Lily realized that James wasn't speaking to her that often. In fact, she didn't think they had said anything to each other except 'Hello' and 'Bye.'

Lily's pictures started to get darker and darker. Sometimes she drew things she had no idea where they came from.

The worst picture she drew was after her encounter with Anna and Jopelle. Lily had been minding her own business, really she was. She was doing her History of Magic essay that was due tomorrow. She wasn't doing anything that could have offended anyone. She was hardly making any noise either, except for the occasional tapping of her foot when she was thinking.

She didn't even respond to the remark that Anna made. "Oh look, the nerdy bitch is doing her homework. She has to get good grades, or else, she just might cut herself!" Anna and Jopelle laughed, like if the remark was funny.

It wasn't funny to Lily. She ignored it and kept writing, but she pressed harder and her letters looked forced.

"I mean, look at the geeky face, gosh, she the geekiest it I've ever seen!" they laughed harder and Lily pressed harder.

"And-" Jopelle started, but she was interrupted by another voice.

"Leave her alone, what has she done to you?" a guy said. A guy with red hair.

"Well, it's more than the fact that she _exists_, if you know what I mean." (A/N: sorry, I just had to use James's line from the fifth book.)

"If her existence bothers you, then you should go exist somewhere else!" Thomas's voice had risen now and the people who were sitting nearby were looking.

Anna and Jopelle were looking a little nervous and decided they didn't want to make a mountain out of a mole hill. They left and smirked at Lily. "You just wait . . ." Jopelle sneered venomously. "You'll see what happens where you're all alone . . ."

A/N: Hi, SOOO sorry for the delay. I was busy with a whole bunch of family crap, end-of-the-year projects, dances, and other stuff. Does anyone else here have to make an invention for science? An ORIGINAL one?! I also got a bit lazy .

Anyway, read DuSt BuNnY oF dOoM's story "Somewhere, a Field of Roses". It's REALLY good. Hopefully with your reviews, she'll update soon!!!

Response to reviews:

taniita: Thanks! Yep, Lily's going to draw now, and maybe she will. :X

Silver Mist4: I wanted the hospital scene to be dramatic lol. Here's the update!

Maddy: That's a really good idea! I think I'm going to use it, thanks!

DLster: Thanks! Here's the update, sorry for the looong delay.

LiL AcE ViLLa: Maybe they won't happen, but there will be some jealousy lol.

Shree: Thanks!

TeArS oF fAtE: Here's the update. Thanks! And it does make sense; at least, to me it does lol.

Emrisah: Thanks, and here is the long awaited update. Thanks for answering the question, you and Maddy are the only ones who answered!

markerglory: Hmm . . . I never thought of that. I guess needles are better if you don't want to die, only if you want to carve stuff into your skin, I dunno. Thanks for reviewing though!

Swishy Willow Wand: Here is the update! Woo lol! And sure, I'll reread your story, I really did like it!

Till next time (which will be soon I hope)!

spotted kitten

=-=


	8. No Name Chapter

Disclaimer: I own nothing (man, these are getting annoying, who reads them anyway?)

They're in: Sixth year / summer vacation

Recap: "Leave her alone, what has she done to you?" a guy said. A guy with red hair.

"Well, it's more than the fact that she _exists_, if you know what I mean." (A/N: sorry, I just had to use James's line from the fifth book.)

"If her existence bothers you, then you should go exist somewhere else!" Thomas's voice had risen now and the people who were sitting nearby were looking.

Anna and Jopelle were looking a little nervous and decided they didn't want to make a mountain out of a mole hill. They left and smirked at Lily. "You just wait . . ." Jopelle sneered venomously. "You'll see what happens where you're all alone . . ."

Chapter Eight:

Jopelle and Anna left, leaving Lily a bit frightened. _Would they really do something to me? Or are they just saying it so I'll get scared?_ Lily turned to face Thomas and opened her mouth to thank him, but she couldn't. There was something about the concern he showed on his face. "Thanks," she finally managed to say.

A smile split on Thomas's face and he said, "Don't let them get to you. They only say that to make themselves feel better."

Lily became lost in his green eyes, they had specks of hazel in them . . . "I know."

They were so close to each other. Lily's face was only a few inches away from Thomas's, and the gap was starting to close . . .

Someone dropped something made of glass, and it shattered, making a very loud noise. Lily snapped back and looked around to see who had done it. James had dropped it, and he looked quite angry. He glared at Lily and Thomas and stormed to him dorm.

Sirius looked at them and said a quick spell and all of the fragments of glass came together to form a beautiful box. He looked at them, shook his head and followed his friend.

_Who does he think he is?! He thinks he can just, ugh!_ James was pacing around his dorm. He had just arrived from sneaking to Hogsmeade; he had bought Lily a gift.

It was a glass jewelry box, it was small, but it was beautiful. The box had intricate designs and he latch was made out of silver.

And he had dropped it. He dropped it because of that _scum_!

_He thinks he can just kiss _my_ Lily!_ James train of thoughts crashed, _my_ Lily? Where had that come from?

Sirius walked in and walked over to James. "Here," he said, handing him the glass box.

"I thought I broke it."

"I repaired it," Sirius said casually. "You know, you can tell me anything. You can tell me if you like her . . ."

James head snapped up and he looked sharply into Sirius's eyes. "I don't!"

_Denial,_ Sirius thought. "So, who _do_ you like?"

James thought for a moment, "No one."

It was nearing the end of the school year, and Lily and Thomas had become great friends. Before Lily had met Thomas, she had hoped to be friends with James, but every time she said hi to him, he grunted and kept walking.

What was also strange was that ever since he had started going out with Anna, they seemed to be snogging only when she was around. _Oh well. Maybe he hates me . . ._

". . . so we can meet up in Diagon Alley. That sound okay?" Thomas was saying.

"Um . . . sure. When?" Lily said.

"I thought we agreed on that already?"

"Oh, right. I remember now."

---

Lily had just arrived from the train station; she was used to coming home alone. She had done so since first year. She paid the cab driver and walked inside. "Hello?" she said when she arrived home. "I'm home!"

"No one cares!" someone shouted from upstairs. Petunia.

"Hi Petty!" Lily yelled in a falsely cheerful voice. She heard footsteps coming nearer.

Petunia came up to Lily and jabbed her finger into Lily's chest, "I've told you before! My name is not _Petty_!" She looked at Lily menacingly. "And you better not do anything _weird_, Vernon is here."

"I feel so loved," Lily said sarcastically.

She dragged her trunk upstairs to her room. She could hear Vernon talking sweetly to Petunia and Petunia giggling like an idiot. "Oh Vernon! Stop, you're making me blush!"

"Morons," Lily whispered as she shut the door to her room and cutting of the noise.

James had just arrived home with his parents and younger brother, (AN: I know he doesn't have a brother but oh well) and he could not stop thinking about Lily. _Why?_ I mean, there were way hotter girls, in James's opinion. Why couldn't he be thinking about his girlfriend, Anna? _ Yeah, Anna is so much hotter than Lily. And she's . . . well, she's hot . . ._

_But Lily is nice, generous . . . so what if she's not hot?_

There was a low _pop!_ in his room and his house-elf appeared saying, "Master James, dinner is served."

"Thanks, Lu-Lu, I'll be down in a minute."

Lu-Lu bowed, there was another _pop_ and she was gone. James walked down to the dinning room and sat down next to Sirius. "So . . ." Sirius said, trying to make some conversation between the Potters and himself.

"Guess what?" James said, as an idea came to him.

"What?" his mom, dad, brother, and Sirius all said.

"Chicken butt!" James yelled.

They all stared at him blankly. To emphasize that no one thought it was funny, Sirius said, "Cricket, cricket."

"Well, I thought it was funny."

"It was . . . about three years ago . . ."

Lily's life was becoming so hard to cope with. Maybe she should go back to the needle . . . _No, I can't. I promised James I wouldn't, I'll draw. Yeah . . ._ The phone rang and Lily went to go pick it up. _Damn it,_ Lily thought, _Grandma._ Lily grabbed a piece of paper to write down her new phone number, "Uh-huh, uh-huh. Yeah, I'll call you. No- It's fine." Why did Grandma have to be so talkative? She would not quit talking . . .

So, she began to doodle. When Grandma finally did hang up, (twenty minutes later) she looked at her doodles and did a double take. _J?_ _Why would I write a J--? Oh, no. No, no, no, no, no!_

---

Finally, Lily would go to Diagon Alley to meet Thomas. She would be leaving Petunia's insufferable ways. When she got to Diagon Alley, she went to Florean's ice cream shop. (AN: I don't remember what it's called :X

She ordered a hot fudge sundae and waited for Thomas. A few minutes later, someone sat across from her.

"Hi Thomas!" Lily said brightly.

"Hey," he responded just as happily. He helped her finish the sundae and they both walked to the necessary stores to buy the things they needed for school. They were just coming out of the bookstore when she saw James coming towards the bookstore with Sirius.

A/N: Hello! Yay! It didn't take me so long update this time, whoooo! Anyway, here's the response to reviews:

taniita: Actually, you didn't. Sorry, I didn't really explain how that happened. The Slytherins from the Hospital Wing gathered that much from Madam Pomfrey and spread it, because they would love to make a Gryffindor feel worse. And to your other comment, I'll never tell! :X lol

LiL AcE ViLLa: Maybe just a little :X. Here's the update though.

myst tyger: Everyone seems to think there is something weird with Thomas.

Swishy Willow Wand: Thanks! Here's the update.

reena-blue: Thanks!

prongy: Thanks!

TeArSoFfAtE: Here you know what happens.

DLster: Thanks!

Emrisah: Aww boo. I think I'm going to make one of my characters use that! Lol. Thanks! And as for the science thing, my uncle helped (Thanks uncle!) Here's the update!

Here's something I wanted you to know: 63rd reviewer gets to be in the story! (I know, I'm setting my standards a bit high lol)

Till next time!

spotted kitten


	9. A Confession Not Meant to be Heard

Disclaimer: I don't own anything.

They're in: Sixth Year

Recap:

After a few minutes, someone sat across from her and smiled warmly at her. "Hello, Thomas," she said.

"Hi Lily, how's the first few weeks of summer going for you?" he responded. They made small talk while he helped her finish the sundae and after they paid, they walked around the Alley, looking at different things and amusing each other with the weird items.

They were walking toward the bookstore when Lily noticed that James and Sirius were coming out of it.

**THIS CHAPTER HAS BEEN REWRITTEN (6/06)**

Chapter Nine: A Confession Not Meant to be Heard

Lily glared at James as they walked by each other. Ever since Lily and Thomas had become friends, James had distanced himself more and more from Lily. It now seemed as if neither had ever talked to each other.

Why was he being such a jackass? Lily hadn't done _anything_ (to her knowledge) to hurt him or to make him mad. As she glared at him, he just ignored her and kept walking with Sirius to their next destination.

**_ABC_**.

James walked out of the bookstore with his best mate and saw Lily and Weasley walking toward it. His light mood dampened when he saw them and Sirius sneaked a sideways glance toward him.

James, as well as Sirius, tensed up slightly and their conversation ceased. Sirius was afraid of what James might say or do, while James was concentrating on ignoring Lily and the painful lurch in his stomach from when he saw the pair. Sirius needn't worry though, he wasn't going to do anything. Nothing at all.

**_ABC_**.

After a day of shopping with Thomas, Lily was considerably tired. But she still couldn't keep her mind off of James. She just didn't understand why James was acting the way he was. Surely Lily didn't do anything to him.

She noticed that her mind had been wandering to James all day and more than once she had to stop herself from bumping into something or someone. She also noticed how Thomas had not bothered to forewarn her about what she was going to do.

The next morning, Lily awoke to yells coming from her mother downstairs, "Lily? Lily?"

Groggily, she opened her eyes and rubbed them as the sunlight from the open window hit her face. She rolled off her bed and while pulling on her bathrobe, yelled, "Coming, Mum!"

Stumbling down the stairs half-asleep, she wondered what her mother could possibly want from Lily so early in the morning. "What is it?"

Her mother smiled joyfully and slowly said, "We... are... going... Oh, why don't you guess?"

It was much too early for Lily too be up, let alone guess something. "I don't know."

"Okay, we are going shopping! Oh, it's going to be _so_ much fun!"

Lily groaned inwardly. She hated going shopping. Her mother always suggested the most outrageous outfits for Lily and tried to get her things that would "show off her figure." Her mother had always been the one to exaggerate beauty.

Lily felt as if her mother's love for Petunia was great because she was normal and beautiful, but loved Lily only because she was her daughter and was obliged to.

"Come on! Let's go get new clothes!" Lily cringed at the happiness radiating from her mother. If it made her mother happy, it most definitely would not make Lily happy.

Later, Lily and her mom arrived at the mall. Lily hated this place because not only was every single beautiful girl shopping there, but they all had equally gorgeous boyfriends. Also, Lily felt as if every one of them was staring at her and thinking, _Oh gosh, what happened to that girl? Why is she so ugly?_

"Doesn't that look lovely?" Lily's mother pointed to a raunchy dress on display.

**_ABC_**.

James was sitting on an armchair in his library, tugging at a thread in his shirt. Sirius was sitting Indian-style in front of him, watching him.

_I'm so bored_, James thought, pulling at the thread and making it longer. _Sirius is here. Why aren't we doing anything? We could be playing Quidditch. Or chess. Nah, too boring. We could be pranking someone. We should be doing anything but sitting here: doing nothing._ James tugged some more at the thread.

"Pretty soon you're not going to have a shirt if you keep pulling on that," Sirius remarked looking at the now ten centimeters long thread. It used to be only two.

"So?"

Sirius didn't say anything for a moment, but brightened up, "Want to go to a Muggle town? See what kinds of new stuff they have since we last visited them?" Sirius was obviously remembering their trip to a nearby Muggle town in Second Year. They had gone with James's father and promised not to cause mayhem. Mr. Potter should have known better than to trust two twelve-year olds. It ended up being a disaster. Only two words are needed to describe the incident: staple gun.

_Lily is Muggle-born. She might live in that Muggle town. Maybe I'll see her._ James brightened up a little with that thought, but then he realized that the chances of Lily being in _that_ particular Muggle town was slim to none. "I dunno," James was silent for a moment, "Okay, let's go."

**_ABC_**.

"Mum?" Lily called out tentatively, thinking that her mother would be right outside of the dressing room. "Mother?" she called out again. Her mother didn't answer which meant that she was probably browsing the racks, trying to find more raunchy and ugly clothes for Lily to try on.

Sighing, she opened the door to her dressing room and wandered out into the small hall, trying to maneuver herself around the piles of clothes that were heaped everywhere. She opened her mouth to call for her mother again but her mom's voice drifted out of a small room near the exit into the story.

"... Yes, I have two daughters. My Petunia, she's so beautiful! Just like you!" Lily could hear her mother smile through her words.

"Thank you!" the girl seemed to be flattered, "but what about your other daughter?"

Her mother's smile faded and her voice took a solemn note. "I don't talk about her much. She was such an adorable child! I really don't know how she got so ugly," her mother shook her head and continued, "I tried to make her beautiful, I really did..."

Lily had heard enough, she went back to her dressing room and changed back into her normal clothes, unaware that she had tears streaming down her face. She left the store with out telling her mother, she didn't even notice.

She walked to the nearest park and sat on the swings. _I always knew she thought I was ugly.. but to hear her say it..._ A fresh wave of tears engulfed Lily. It was well past dinner time when she arrived home.

A/N: Back to rewriting! I apologize because this chapter is a little shorter than the not rewritten chapter nine, but I do think that it's written better.

Thanks to the readers who had already reviewed this chapter: **TeArSoFfAtE**, **reena-blue**, **nora**, **yellow is cool**, **hillary**, **LiL AcE ViLLa**, **Emrisah**, and **Swishy Willow Wand**.


	10. The Change

Disclaimer: I don't own anything.

They're in: Summer after Sixth Year

Recap: "... Yes, I have two daughters. My Petunia, she's so beautiful! Just like you!" Lily could hear her mother smile through her words.

"Thank you!" the girl seemed to be flattered, "but what about your other daughter?"

Her mother's smile faded and her voice took a solemn note. "I don't talk about her much. She was such an adorable child! I really don't know how she got so ugly," her mother shook her head and continued, "I tried to make her beautiful, I really did..."

Lily had heard enough, she went back to her dressing room and changed back into her normal clothes, unaware that she had tears streaming down her face. She left the store with out telling her mother, she didn't even notice.

She walked to the nearest park and sat on the swings. _I always knew she thought I was ugly.. but to hear her say it..._ A fresh wave of tears engulfed Lily. It was well past dinner time when she arrived home.

**THIS CHAPTER HAS BEEN REWRITTEN (6/06)**

Chapter Ten: The Change

Lily crept quietly up the stairs to her room and closed the door slowly, hoping that it would not make a noise. She sat at her desk and pulled out her razor blade and look longingly at it.

_Should I? Or should I not?_ These thoughts raced back and forth across her mind, urging her to pick one as she put the razor against her arm and took it away. She put the razor against her arm again and closed her eyes, her mind begging her to make a cut.

She pressed.

Her eyes flew open as she saw the tiniest drop of blood run down her arm. She had done it. At least, she begun to.

She pressed harder and made a line across her forearm. She knew that if she really wanted to die she'd do it "down the street, not across." Random thoughts began to pour through her mind. Relief because her stress was ebbing away with the pain. Happiness because she did something she had forbade herself to do for so long. Regret because she had broken her promise to James.

_James_.

All of her thoughts screeched to a stop and landed on James. She had promised him not to do it. She told him she wouldn't. Oh, what would he say if he saw her now? With a bloody razor blade in her hand?

It was too late now. He didn't care about her anyway. He hadn't spoken to her since the "incident." All that mattered now was being accepted by her family, she had hated her life for so long, now was the time to do something about it.

**_abc_**.

Lily woke up the next morning feeling different than she had in the past few months. She felt as if she were ready for a change, not for just any change but a change that would _change_ her whole life.

But she also felt happiness, the happiness she felt after she... _Oh no, did I really cut myself last night?_ She ran her fingers along her arm, dreading anything she might feel that would be out of the ordinary. One, two, three. Three cuts.

Her eyes welled up with tears. "I don't want to do this anymore... I _can't_ do this anymore... I'm going to die if I do." Tears fell down her cheeks, leaving wet trails, allowing other tears to follow their trail. "I am going to be beautiful."

She changed and brushed her teeth, ready to make an appearance downstairs with her mother.

But her mother was not there. "Mum?" Lily said, wondering if her mom was even home. She spotted a note on the refrigerator: _Out. -Mum_.

_Wow, _Lily thought, _not very informative._ She grabbed a nearby pen and wrote underneath her mothers words, _Out, too. Won't be home till late. Really late. -Lily_.

Lily grabbed her money and walked out of the house, mustering up courage to go through with her plan. She was going to go to a beauty salon, and she was going to go through some very different changes.

She no longer cared that her mother didn't want her to change her appearance. In fact, it was very confusing. If her mother thought that she was so ugly, why didn't she let her change her looks to be beautiful? Her mother could be very perplexing.

As she walked into the beauty salon, she wasn't sure if she was going to do it, but the broad lady at the counter called out, "Next!" and Lily was the only person left waiting. Lily walked up to the broad lady and the lady asked, "What do you want?"

"I'd like you to give me a make over. A complete and total makeover. I want to be utterly unrecognizable," Lily was surprised at how the words just tumbled out of her mouth.

The fat woman raised an eyebrow and replied, "That'll take money, do you have it?"

Lily smiled and pulled out a wad of cash. She had saved every dollar she had ever gotten since her fifth birthday.

"Good," the woman smiled greedily and yelled out, "Camille! This one wants a makeover, do it." As a second thought, she told Lily, "She's our best. You're in good hands."

**_abc_**.

It was quite a few hours (felt like a whole day to Lily) before the woman named Camille was done. Camille spun her around and Lily was now facing the mirror.

Lily's hand raised to touch her hair, her skin, her face. She was truly utterly unrecognizable. She was beautiful. Her eyebrows were waxed, her pimples had magically disappeared, and her skin was glowing. Her legs still stung a little from the wax Camille had used, but the sting was fading away after Camille had put lots of lotion on her legs.

She looked thankfully at Camille and whispered, "It's like magic." Camille gave her a wink and then gave her the total.

After Lily walked out of the salon, she cringed at the clothes she was wearing. She walked along the avenue, searching for a store that would carry cute clothing.

She spotted a small store called Height Venue. Lily had always wanted to enter this store but had never had the chance too. She held her breath and walked in, hoping that she would be able to find something that fit her taste.

A few hours later, Lily emerged with many bags. The lady at the register thoughtfully suggested Lily call for a taxi and was now waiting for the taxi to come and take her home. It was almost 8 o'clock, her mother surely wouldn't care where she'd been.

Her last stop was a local gym that she had seen in passing many times and joined the gym.

But what would she say when she saw the physical change that Lily had gone through?

The taxi stopped in front of her house and Lily paid the fare. She walked up to her door and put her key in the lock. Holding her breath, she walked in and spotted her sister at the kitchen table, preparing biscuits for tea.

Petunia gasped when she saw Lily. The biscuits fell from her hands and onto the table. She quickly got up and ran to the living room, presumably where her mother was, "Mum!"

Her mother entered the kitchen and also gasped when she saw her daughter. "What did you do?" she questioned.

"I-I... I wanted to be pretty, Mum. I heard what you told the girl at the store yesterday. I know how you feel about me. I just want to fit in, Mum. Why couldn't you just love me for being me?"

**_abc_**.

It was eight in the morning and she was still tired despite the fact that she went to bed around nine. Her mother was happy for the transformation, but she didn't deny anything that Lily said. She also got mad once she found out how much Lily had spent and her penance would be finding her own ride to the train station that morning even though "the change" had occurred a couple of months ago, near the beginning of summer.

By the time she was ready and the taxi she had called for was at the station it was 10:30. She wheeled her cart with her luggage into the station and looked around, hoping that no one was looking at her when she stepped through the barrier.

Instantly, she saw dozens of people: parents, students, and younger siblings, eager to get a peek inside the Hogwarts Express. She sighed with relief and found herself in the train and looking for an empty compartment.

She quickly found one and sat tiredly on the seat. Her mind was reeling with questions. Would this year be any different? What would people say? Why had she decided to do this?

But most importantly, what would James say?

A/N: Thanks to those who had already review this chapter: **Emrisah**, **SilverMist4**, **groovygeek**, **Ashley Donnan**, **instar**, **taniita**, **reena-blue**, **FalconMistress17**, and **Swishy Willow Wand**.


	11. Surprise, Surprise

Disclaimer: I don't own anything.

They're in: Sixth Year

Recap: By the time she was ready and the taxi she had called for was at the station it was 10:30. She wheeled her cart with her luggage into the station and looked around, hoping that no one was looking at her when she stepped through the barrier.

Instantly, she saw dozens of people: parents, students, and younger siblings, eager to get a peek inside the Hogwarts Express. She sighed with relief and found herself in the train and looking for an empty compartment.

She quickly found one and sat tiredly on the seat. Her mind was reeling with questions. Would this year be any different? What would people say? Why had she decided to do this?

But most importantly, what would James say?

**THIS CHAPTER HAS BEEN REWRITTEN (6/06)**

Chapter Eleven: Surprise, Surprise

James was walking the hall of the train, looking for his best mate Sirius. Sirius had gone ahead and gotten a compartment while James's mother gave him a teary goodbye. Looking through each window as he passed, he smiled as he recognized his schoolmates. About halfway down the train, he spotted a vaguely familiar girl with her head in her hands and dark red, almost-brown hair.

He kept walking, noting that she was alone. Maybe he'd come by later and introduce himself. Anything to keep his mind off of Lily. A few more compartments down and James had found Sirius. Remus was in the compartment too but Peter was no where to be seen. James slid into the seat across from Sirius, listening to his intent conversation with Remus.

**_ABC_**.

Lily had her head in her hands; she was tired. She couldn't wait to get the Hogwarts and eat, her stomach was already growling in anticipation for the feast. She also couldn't wait to see her peers reactions.

Mostly the boys, but primarily James. What would he say once he saw her? And--wait, why did it matter so much as to what he thought of her? As far as she knew, he didn't care about her anymore.

So why did she keep the promise that she wouldn't cut herself?

She fell asleep contemplating the question. The train lurched and she woke up. She glanced at her watch, they were almost at Hogwarts. She quickly opened her trunk and changed into her robes.

The train was slowing down, good thing the train had lurched when it had, otherwise Lily would have stayed on the train. Slowly, the train came to a stop and she heard dozens of compartment doors flying open with students eagerly wanting to get into the school.

Lily dragged her luggage out of the train and left it in the designated area, she knew that later on the trunks would magically appear in her dorm room, ready and dry.

She climbed into a horseless carriage and waited. Three third-years eyed her and they climbed in but they ignored her.

Once the carriage stopped, it started drizzling a little bit so Lily hurried inside of the grand castle. She went into the Great Hall and sat near the front of the Gryffindor table. What if someone said something to her? Would she be able to defend herself?

Thankfully, no one said anything to her throughout the whole dinner. She relaxed and looked down the table. There was James... Sirius, Remus, and Peter were also with him. She stared at Sirius. Wow, he looked like he had been working out over the summer, he looked really good.

On her way to the Common Room, Lily tried to think of reasons why she liked Sirius. It was a very short list. Ever get the feeling that you don't like someone, but you tell yourself so often that you do that you convince yourself that you do like that person? It's a little confusing at first glance, but Lily had the feeling that is what she unknowingly did.

**_abc_**.

It was only the second day in school and the seventh years already had an essay for almost every class due in the next two days.

Lily wrote furiously, trying to get this stupid essay done. She was still tired from the train ride and she just wanted to go to sleep. She felt as if someone were staring at her, she felt the hair on her neck prickle. Turning to glance at the students in the Common room, she made eye contact with beautiful hazel eyes.

She gave a sheepish smile and turned back to her essay. By the time she had finished her essays, it was nearly eleven o'clock and James was still working on his homework. She tried to make eye contact again with James but he was just too absorbed in his work. She sighed dejectedly and made her way to bed.

**_ABC_**.

James was staring at the auburn-haired girl again. He knew that he knew her. She was familiar to him, he just couldn't place her name. The girl turned and spotted him staring at her. She gave a shy smile and returned to her work.

So familiar.. who was she? And why hadn't he seen Lily yet? He wanted to talk to her, to apologize for ignoring her... but he could only do that if he found her.. and he couldn't.

He glanced at the Marauder's Map again to make sure Sirius wasn't getting into trouble. He wasn't. But he saw a dot that shouldn't have been where it was.

_What's Peter doing near the Slytherin Common Room?_

**_ABC_**.

Peter's POV

"I-I know that y-you're with Y-You-Know-Who, N-Nott," Peter stuttered when he saw Nott near the Slytherin Common Room.

"Says who?" he growled and bared his teeth at Peter, like a dog would.

"I'm not s-stupid," Peter said indignantly.

"Could've fooled me."

"Anyway," Peter continued, choosing to ignore that last comment, "I w-want to..." he hesitated for a moment, "join you."

Nott seemed to consider for a while and asked, "Why?"

"I don't want to b-be part of the Marauder's anymore," his voice gathered confidence as he continued, "I'm tired of them m-making fun of me. I want them to stop. I want revenge."

Nott thought for a while and responded, "Betraying friends? The Dark Lord will like that. Especially since those friends are part of two of the oldest pureblooded families.

"I shall be in contact soon."

**_abc_**.

James had confronted Peter that same night about the Slytherin Common Room incident. Peter wittingly explained it away as taking a wrong turn when he wanted to get to the kitchens.

James had made a sly comment about his weight and Peter knew that he had made the right decision about joining You-Know-Who.

So now it was a few days later at breakfast and students were receiving their daily post. A large brown barn owl landed in Peter's cereal with a small roll of paper clasped in its beak. Peter took the small scroll and gave the owl some bacon.

"Who's it from?" Sirius teased, "Your girlfriend?" All four of the Marauder's knew that Peter hadn't had a girlfriend since fourth year.

"No, it's from N-" Peter caught himself and made a suitable lie, "my mother. It's from my mother."

Sirius nodded and continued his conversation with James about Quidditch.

_Be in the Forrest by midnight tonight. -N._

It was very short, and Peter was glad that the full moon was last week.

**_ABC_**.

Potions was Lily's favorite class. She was smart and could follow directions perfectly. And Professor Walten was a nice teacher, unlike their Astronomy teacher who was Head of Slytherin. Lily sat at the front of the class, where anything would not escape the professor's attention, including teasing and jaunting.

"Today is Double-Potions!" Professor Walten said brightly, "And consequently we have a complex potion to brew." Sirius raised his hand quickly and anticipating his question, Professor Walten said, "No, Sirius, you may not pair up with Mr. Potter.

"You will be with Anna O'Bryan, Mr. Peter Pettigrew will be with Ms. Jopelle Perkins, Mr. James Potter with Ms. Lily Evans, Mr. Remus Lupin with..." Lily did not hear the rest. She was not planning on talking to James so soon. Once the professor had paired off everyone in class, the students were allowed to move around to get with their partner.

She glanced at the other students, couldn't she just switch with someone? She didn't want James to say anything negative about her appearance, although no one had said anything bad to her, only good things.

James was looking around the class, apparently searching for her frizzy, bright red hair. Sighing, she grabbed her belongings and headed to James's desk. He was still searching for her.

"Hi James," Lily said quietly and James finally abandoned his search and looked at Lily.

**_ABC_**.

He looked her up and down. Damn those Hogwarts robes that hung off her petite frame. "Lily?" he asked, eyeing the pretty girl's face.

"Yeah?" she said. When he said nothing, she was a bit confused but then they both went to the cupboard in the back for ingredients. "James, you're supposed to go to the professor's desk for the rest of the ingredients," Lily said when she noticed James had followed her to the back of the class.

"Oh, right," James said and made his way toward the front of the classroom to the desk. _Wow, _James thought, _Lily really changed this summer. No wonder I thought I hadn't seen her, she changed. She's even more beautiful now._

Once back at James's desk, Lily and James began working on their Gene-Switching Draft.

**_abc_**.

The potion had to simmer for fourteen minutes. James and Lily were sitting back, looking at other students. James saw Lily turn to where Jopelle was working with Peter. Jopelle glared at Lily and Lily's head snapped away.

"They're idiots. Just ignore them." Lily looked at James confused.

"What?"

"O'Bryan and Perkins," he offered.

"Oh, I know," Lily replied.

The class was beginning to warm up because so many potions were letting off steam from the heat. James pushed his sleeves up in an effort to be a little cooler, but it did not work very well. He noticed that Lily was sweating but did not push up her sleeves.

Had she gone back to cutting? Is that why she wasn't pushing up her sleeves? James shook his head. He was being paranoid, there were numerous innocent reasons as to why she wasn't pushing up her sleeves.

Lily noticed him eyeing her arms and said, "It's been fourteen minutes."

James followed the instructions on the board and a few seconds later he heard the professor's voice, "You should be almost done. This potion is very strong so listen up: you each take _only_ a tablespoon of the potion. If you've done this right, it should only last about fifteen minutes, the remainder of this class period. If you haven't done this right you'll be very cold for about ten seconds and that's all that happens. When you take it, you'll feel a tingling sensation. The effects are instantaneous."

Lily eyed the potion warily and said, "You first."

"Alright," James said, bravely taking a spoonful and drinking it.

"Do you feel anything?" Lily asked breathlessly.

James was about to answer no when he felt tingly. "It tickles!" James responded laughing heartily. Lily looked around the class and noticed many other students were also laughing, it must be the tingly sensations Professor Walten had mentioned.

Lily gasped. James was short with curly brown hair and dark brown eyes. He had lots of acne and was skinny and lanky. Lily laughed and took a spoonful herself.

She started laughing again but this time because of the tingly sensation. "Well, what do I look like?" she questioned.

Lily was average. She looked like the type of person who you met and forgot about the instant they stopped talking to you. She was skinny and flat, with dull brown hair that reached her shoulders with brown eyes. Not very attractive. James gave Lily a mirror to see for herself what he saw.

"Sirius!" James's voice was deeper that usual.

"What?" a voice cracked. James turned to the voice and gave a snort of laughter. Sirius looked horrible. He was short (shorter than James) and fat. He had longish red hair and freckles all over. His blue eyes did little to improve his appearance.

"You look so hot!" James said, he was still unaccustomed to his deep voice.

"I know," Sirius retorted. "If I do say so myself, I do look a lot better." His voice cracked a lot.

The two laughed at each other's appearances and pretty soon the effects of the potion wore off and they looked like they had every other day.

**_ABC_**.

Peter's POV

Peter took the Map this time, he wasn't about to be stupid enough for James to find out where he was going again. He snuck out of the castle and jogged into the Forrest.

"He's here," Peter heard Nott say to someone.

"Good," a voice hissed. "Bow down to Lord Voldemort!" Peter hastily dropped to the floor in a bow and heard You-Know-Who say, "Get up, filth."

"May I speak, Master?" Nott said.

"You may," You-Know-Who answered.

"Pettigrew has grown tired of his friends James Potter and Sirius Black. He wants to betray them and join us!"

"Is this true?" You-Know-Know hissed.

"Y-y-yes," Peter answered. _What have I gotten myself into?_

A/N: Thanks to those who already reviewed this chapter: **Silver Mist4**, **reena-blue**, **taniita**, **Emrisah**, **FalconMistress17**, **mandyzcool**, **ZombieGurl98**, and **someone**.


	12. Surprise, Surprise: Prt II

Disclaimer: I don't own anything.

They're in: Sixth Year

Recap: Peter took the Map this time, he wasn't about to be stupid enough for James to find out where he was going again. He snuck out of the castle and jogged into the Forrest.

"He's here," Peter heard Nott say to someone.

"Good," a voice hissed. "Bow down to Lord Voldemort!" Peter hastily dropped to the floor in a bow and heard You-Know-Who say, "Get up, filth."

"May I speak, Master?" Nott said.

"You may," You-Know-Who answered.

"Pettigrew has grown tired of his friends James Potter and Sirius Black. He wants to betray them and join us!"

"Is this true?" You-Know-Know hissed.

"Y-y-yes," Peter answered. _What have I gotten myself into?_

**THIS CHAPTER HAS BEEN REWRITTEN (6/06)**

Chapter Twelve: Surprise, Surprise: Part II

"Good," You-Know-Who sneered nastily. "If you open your mouth and tell anyone about this, I swear on the life of Merlin that you will be killed... in the slowest, most painful way possible. Understand it, fear it, embrace it. I will Mark you." You-Know-Who snaked his hand into his robes and pulled out a long, dark wand.

He pressed the end of it to the exposed flesh of Peter's upper arm. As Peter squealed and squirmed with pain and agony, You-Know-Who said, "Welcome to the Death Eaters."

**_ABC_**.

James thought he heard an inhumane shriek when he woke up from his nightmare. _Probably part of my nightmare... _James though, wiping sweat off his forehead. He looked around his dorm at his peacefully sleeping dorm mates.

As his eyes glanced over Peter's bed, he noticed that Peter was not there. _At the kitchens,_ James thought, deciding to double check where Peter might be and groping around on his night stand, searching for his glasses or the map; which ever came first.

He put on his glasses and kept searching for the map. "_Lumos_," he muttered as he ran his hand over the smooth, cool surface of his night stand. Confused, he frowned and realized Peter must have taken the map with him, so that he wouldn't get lost this time.

Just as he convinced himself to forget about Peter and go back to sleep, the door opened and in came Peter. Even in the moonlight his face was pale and beaded with perspiration. He seemed terrified of something and as if he were regretting something.

"Peter?" James whispered, just as Peter was about to get into bed.

He nearly jumped a foot into the air and frantically looked around his dorm mates, searching for the one who called him name. Spotting James sitting up against his headboard, Peter shakily replied, "What's up?"

"Where were you?" James questioned, noting Peter's scared demeanor.

"I-er. I went to er... the kitchens!" Peter smiled, happy that his mind had come up with a lie in time, "I went to the kitchens!" he repeated.

James peered at Peter, apparently unconvinced that it was a lie, but decided against pursuing the topic. "Alright," he answered, "you have the map with you then?"

"Yes!" Peter dug his hand into his pocket, searching for the old worn piece of parchment. He put the map on James's night stand again and muttered a soft goodnight before disappearing under his covers and letting out a shuddering sigh.

_On to more pressing matters,_ James thought.

Lily had changed over the summer. He wasn't sure why he had changed, but he welcomed it. Lily looked better now that she ever had before. Of course, James still thought that Lily had looked beautiful even before "the change," but anyway she dressed or did her hair, she would always be beautiful to him.

Why couldn't he see what he thought of her? Why did he have to push her away in her time of need?

_I know why,_ a little voice said. James silenced it before it said one little word which logically explained all of his questions.

_No, it's not that,_ James thought fiercely. Of course it wasn't jealousy. Not at all.

_**ABC**._

Deciding that she didn't want to run into anybody, Lily went to dinner late. As she made her way back to the Gryffindor Common Room, she ran into the two exact people she was trying to avoid: Anna and Jopelle.

"Hey Jopelle, did you hear about the ugly ass who wanted to be pretty?" Anna said, staring right at Lily.

"No, what happened to her?" Jopelle asked in mock seriousness.

Lily decided to ignore them and attempted to walk past them. "She got beat!" Anna shrieked as she tripped Lily.

Stumbling, she caught her balance and whirled around to be face to face to her foes. "What do you want?" Lily said, sounding much braver than she felt.

"You're not going anywhere until we're done with you," Jopelle hissed, avoiding the question Lily had asked.

"But what did I do?" Lily said in frustration.

"James broke up with me over the summer," Anna started crying and Jopelle rushed to her side, immediately comforting her.

"He didn't deserve you anyway," Jopelle was saying when Anna suddenly lifted her head.

There wasn't any trace of a single tear, "I know it had something to do with you!"

"Me!" Lily responded, "I didn't even _talk_ to him over the summer! How could I be the cause of your breakup?"

Anna pulled her wand out, "I don't know how, but I know that you were the reason why he left me! And going to curse you so hard into the next century that you're going to wish that you had never been born!"

Lily pulled out her own wand, going over the curses that she knew. Stunning would surely get her suspended, the Jelly-Legs Jinx was far too childish as well at the Tripping Curse. The Sleeping Spell was... wait, that would be perfect!

By the time Jopelle opened her mouth to shout a spell, Lily had already yelled, "_Dormitus!_" and she was on the floor, sucking her thumb.

"How could you?" Anna screeched in anger and shouted the Jelly-Legs Jinx. Lily tried to dodge it but it hit her in the leg and soon Lily was wobbling around the hall.

"_Finito!_" Lily yelled, ending the curse.

"_Experelliarmus!_" Anna shouted and Lily's wand flew out of her hand and landed next to Anna's feet. Grinning evilly, she scooped up Lily's wand and said, "Now I'm going to finish you off with your own wand." She opened her mouth.

Lily did what any sensible human would do in a situation like this: she lunged at Anna and punched her full on the nose. She heard a definite _crack_ and Anna stumbled back, clutching at her broken nose. Dropping both wands, Anna lunged back at Lily and grabbed with all her might onto her hair.

Lily ripped free of her grasp and felt several hairs departing her scalp. It hurt, but she needed to get away from her. Before Lily could think of her next move, she heard a stern voice yell out, "Stop! What are you doing? Fighting?"

_I am _so_ dead_, Lily thought desperately. "What's going on?" Professor McGonagall demanded.

Lily opened her mouth but Anna was already spitting out some lame reason, "Evans beat me and Jopelle up! Look at what she's done to Jopelle!"

"That's not true!" Lily said in protest, ready to punch Anna again.

Professor McGonagall led all three students into the Hospital Wing, and a half an hour later, Lily was released and sent back to her Common Room, scratch and injury-free.

**_abc_**.

It was finally the weekend, Lily would finally have time to spend time with and talk to Thomas. She hadn't really spoken to him this week, seeing as how it was jam-packed with essays and detention for the fight. Thomas was sitting outside, by the lake writing in a small leather bound journal.

Lily quickly went outside and sat down next to him, "Hello Thomas," Lily said breathlessly.

"Hi Lily," Thomas said without looking up, "hold on." He finished writing a few words and shut the journal. He looked up at her and his eyes opened wide. "Lily!" he said surprised.

Lily laughed, "Yeah, that would be me."

"You look great!" He smiled widely at her.

"Thanks," she blushed slightly.

After a few hours, after all conversation had ceased, Lily was laying against Thomas and her eyes closed sleepily. Thomas peered into the sunset, smiling down at Lily's sleeping form. Without hesitation, Thomas kissed the top of her head.

The movement had startled Lily, and soon she was fully awake. "Did I fall asleep on you?" Lily asked bashfully.

"Mhmm," Thomas responded and smiled. He put his arm around her, encouraging to snuggle up to him. Lily willingly did, and she glanced up at him. He was staring at her.

The gap between them was very small, and slowly getting smaller. Lily could see herself in his eyes before she shut them and felt his warm lips on hers.

He kissed her, and she kissed him back.

She felt so happy, but there was something was just quite not right.

A/N: Thanks to those who already reviewed this chapter: **Emrisah**, **reena-blue**, **FalconMistress17**, **yer-blues**, **Swishy Willow Wand**, **dont fit in**, and **taniita**.


	13. The Aftermath

Disclaimer: I don't own anything.

They're in: Seventh Year

Recap:

Still half-asleep, she Lily snuggled up to him Thomas again. He draped his arm around her shoulders and Lily put her head on his shoulder.

She sighed dreamily and looked into Thomas's eyes. As she began to close the gap in between them, she saw herself in his eyes. She closed her eyes and felt Thomas's lips on hers. He kissed her, and she kissed him back.

She was so happy, and it felt so _right._

Chapter Thirteen: The Aftermath

Lily pulled away from Thomas and looked into his eyes. His intense eyes gazed back at her, smiling gently. _What just happened?_ Lily thought.

Thomas came closer again and Lily closed her eyes. Did she feel anything, beside the excitement that came from the realization that you had just had your first kiss? She was enjoying the kiss, yes, but did she feel as if she really wanted Thomas? Lily pulled away and smiled at him nervously.

It was a romantic moment. The only thing that would make it better was if Thomas was a different person, maybe Ja--"Lily?"

"Hmm?"

"Lily, do you want to, er, to be my, er, girlfriend?"

Lily pulled back even farther and her eyes widened considerably. "What?" she finally managed to spit out.

Looking surprised, Thomas said in a stiff tone, "I just asked you to be my girlfriend."

As she jumped up, she gathered her things and said hurriedly, "Um, I have to get back to the castle, I have er, things to do. Um, see you." _Oh dear God, what would James think?_ Just inside the castle doors, she stopped momentarily. _"What would James think?" What does it matter what James thinks is more like it..._

But the initial reaction stayed with her. The initial reaction that didn't include Thomas, the boy she just kissed, or Sirius, her supposed crush (did she really like him after all?), but it included James. What was going on with her? Surprised at how quickly she had gotten to Gryffindor tower, she said absentmindedly, "Phoenix feathers."

"Whatever you say, dear," said the Fat Lady as she swung forward on her hinges, allowing Lily back into the common room. She hurried to her dormitory, hoping that Anna and Jopelle weren't in there too.

**La la la la.**

James watched Lily as she almost ran to the girls' dormitory. A minute later he saw Thomas come into the common room, looking a little angry and disappointed. Did their disturbed appearances have anything to do with each other? Were they connected?

If they were, James had no time to dwell on it. He had more pressing matters. His History of Magic essay due tomorrow for instance. _Damn you, stupid Barry the Brave and Felbo the Fake... _James thought as he wrote those names down.

**La la la la.**

The next day Lily went down to breakfast and sat as far away as she could from Thomas. She didn't know what to say, she was embarrassed of what had happened the day before. She didn't know why though, she didn't know whether to say yes or no. _Thomas probably thinks I've rejected him by the way I'm acting... My first boyfriend. _Lily breathed deeply, trying to rid herself of the butterflies that had appeared out of no where.

She was going to accept him.

Lily stood up and walked toward him... _just breathe... _he wasn't that far away now... _you're not doing anything extremely difficult... _oh, but it was, and he was less than two feet away... _I could just keep walking... _she turned and sat down next to him... _just do it, go!_ Lily took a deep breath and looked at Thomas. The butterflies in her stomach felt like dinosaurs... She kissed his cheek and said to him, "I do want to be your girlfriend."

He looked at her and a grin broke out on his handsome features. She grinned back and felt that his arm was around her shoulders. She leaned into him and he said, "I didn't think you wanted to, the way you just ran away from me, you know."

"Well," Lily began, "I was nervous, afraid. I don't know. I'm here now though."

"Yes, you are," Thomas said and gave her a short, sweet kiss.

**La la la la.**

Anger.

That's all he felt. Boiling, white-hot anger. James was furious. He stood up quickly and abruptly. "James, mate, where are you going?" Remus asked. James ignored the question and walked to the other side of the table.

He stopped and said suddenly, "Do you want to go out with me?"

"I thought you'd never ask!" Anna said happily. "I thought we were done, but I knew. Yes I did. I knew that we would be soul mates..." Her speech lasted for a while and all James had to say was, "But, of course!" once in a while.

_What am I doing?_ Being a dolt, he answered himself. _Why did I do it?_ Because of Lily, he answered himself again. A sudden thought occurred to him, _Am I jealous?_

**La la la la.**

For the next following weeks, life was complete bliss for Lily. She was quite content with her life: Anna and Jopelle had stopped teasing her (Lily suspected it was mainly because James had gotten back with Anna), which meant that the rest of the student body (well, most of them) had stopped also, she was finally beginning to have friends, and of course, who could forget? Thomas.

He was so sweet to her. He was the perfect boyfriend. He was nice, sweet, cute, a Quidditch player, smart, and he liked her. _What could I have done to be so happy?_ Lily thought joyously one night as she lay in her bed. She had just put away a drawing. Ever since she and Thomas had started going out, her drawings had become happier and light-hearted. And she hadn't cut since the summer.

She thought about her life and how it had it had changed. Her perspective had changed from the glass being half empty to the glass being half full, but her pessimistic side soon appeared. _Everything can't be perfect. Something is bound to happen..._ She fell asleep with this startling thought swimming around her head.

------

Something did happen too. It started around the beginning of November. Thomas had stopped being so perfect. He began to ditch her more and more for his friends, claiming that there was Quidditch practice when she knew fully that there wasn't any.

What was he doing? Why was he lying to her? She needed to find out. The first, and most obvious thing to do, would be to ask him. But the problem was that it was too obvious. She didn't want to seem clingy. She didn't want to seem as if she wanted to be with him 24/7. No, she didn't know what she could do.

**La la la la.**

James was most unusually moody and angry these last few weeks. He half-heartedly joined in on the jokes that he used to plan out. He didn't want much to do with Anna, only snogging her when Lily was around. He even didn't hex and jinx Snape at every possible moment as he used to. He was, unintentionally, threatening to finally leave Snape alone and call a truce.

He was walking to the common room after dinner one night when James heard his name being called out. For a fleeting second he thought it was Lily, but to his dismay, Anna was hurrying in his direction.

James grunted as his way of recognizing her presence. "James! Hi pooky-wooky cutie-pie!" she said, her voice dripping with sweetness.

"I told you not to call me that!" James snapped.

Anna looked surprised, but plowed on anyway, "Anyway, cupcake, Hogsmaede weekend is coming up and I was wondering, since you know, we _are_ together--"

"I'm going with Sirius," he lied automatically.

"Oh," Anna said with disappointment obvious in her face and words. "Well, alright. Um, maybe next time."

The truth was he wasn't going with Sirius. He wasn't going with Anna either (obviously). He wasn't going at all. He couldn't, he would probably run into Lily and _Thomas_.

"What are you thinking," it was more of a statement rather than a question.

Startled, James looked up at Sirius. "Lots of things."

"Like, how you lied to her? And me, for that matter?"

"I-I didn't lie to you, Padfoot."

"Bull. You told me you were going to Hogsmaede with Anna. Then you told her you're going with me."

"Alright, so I didn't feel like going. So what?"

"So you lied to me? James, you know you don't have to lie to me... What's wrong with you lately? You don't participate in jokes, you don't hang out with Anna, you don't pay attention in class (less than usual, mind you), and you're lying to me. Just tell me what's wrong!" Sirius ended with sigh.

James looked taken aback. "I-I..." He didn't know what to say. All Sirius had said what right. James hung his head and muttered, "It's Lily, mate."

It was Sirius's turn to look taken aback, but he sprang back quickly, "I knew that it had something to do with her. Ever since she started going out with that git you acted different!" A sudden thought occurred to Sirius, "You like her."

James looked up at him. He was past denial. "Yeah, I do. But the thing is... oh never mind, you'll laugh at me."

"We're best mates. If there's something this serious, you know I'll be serious. Even though I'm already Sirius..."

"Ha ha," James said sarcastically. After a long pause, James continued. "I dunno." Sirius waited respectfully for James to gather his thoughts then continue. Out of no where it seemed James burst, "I just like her so much. I wanna break Weasley's neck for hugging her, for touching her, for kissing her. I don't want _him _doing that. _I_ want to do that. I want to be the one who's there for her."

Sirius stared at James. "Go on, laugh. I know you will..." James said, sounding a little ashamed.

"No! I know what's wrong with you." James looked up suddenly, full of attention and interest. "It's love!"

"What?" James asked, aghast. But the more he thought about it, the more it made sense. Something clicked in his brain and he whispered, "I'm in love with Lily Evans..."

**La la la la.**

"Thomas?"

"What?"

"You know, Hogsmeade is this weekend."

"So...?"

"Well, do you want to go?"

"Er, yes, yes. Whatever."

-------

It was a lovely Saturday morning. It had stopped raining the day before and the sky was magnificently blue. The grass was muddy, but Lily liked the sound of the squelching her boots made when she walked on the grass. "Oh, isn't it a beautiful day?"

"Yes, it is," Thomas said, gazing at the sky. He grabbed her hand and they walked down to the town. When they reached the town, they headed toward Honeydukes. Thomas was being quiet but she enjoyed his presence anyway.

"Listen," he said, turning Lily toward him, "I've got to meet some of the guys for, er, you know, Quidditch stuff. You don't mind do you? Great, I'll see you later then. 'Bye." He kissed her quickly and dashed off.

Only after one place? Was this how dates worked? She didn't know, but she knew that Thomas had been lying. She knew for a fact that James didn't come, and he was the captain of the team. It was now or never. She had to find out what he was up to.

She followed him at a distance, his trademark red hair making it easy for her to follow him. He stopped in front of a small tea shop called Madame Puddifoot's and looked around. Lily quickly ducked behind a barrel of beetle eyes and watched him.

He entered the shop and Lily pulled her cloak tighter and pulling on her hood. She walked into the shop and she saw that Thomas was sitting down across a small table with Anna. Horrified, Lily watched as they laughed about something and he leaned forward to kiss her. Soon, it seemed as they were glued together by the lips.

"Can I get you something, dear?" a young plump woman asked Lily. She turned to look at the woman and opened her mouth. "Are you alright?" asked the woman as Lily's eyes filled with tears. Lily turned and fled from the shop and ran. She ran so fast that before she was even out of the town she had a stitch in her side. Her eyes were now streaming with tears of anger, betrayal and now pain.

She didn't stop until she was at the doors of the castle. She stopped to catch her breath and walked quickly to Gryffindor Tower, sobbing freely. "Ph-phoenix f-f-feathers!" she gasped between her sobs.

She ran up to her dormitory and slammed the door.

**La la la la.**

_Stupid, ugly git. I should just let it go. I really should. _James turned and saw the back of someone running up to the girls' dormitories and slamming the door. He saw red hair. He heard the person sobbing. He put two and two together and realized that Lily was upset.

With the same method he used for getting up when Lily's book had been burned, he went up to the dorm. He hesitated then knocked and said carefully, "Lily?"

"Go away!" It sounded as though she were crying.

**La la la la.** (No one's POV)

He turned the door knob and saw Lily sitting on her bed, facing away from him. "Lily? What's wrong?" He asked gently.

He saw her jump and gasp with pain as she hastily hid something. His heart fell as he realized what happened. "No..." He whispered. "Why?"

"Why what? I didn't do anything!" Lily said thickly.

James kneeled in front of her and pulled up her sleeve, Lily pulled away a little but did not object, instead she looked away. James touched her arm gingerly and looked up at her, his eyes full of sadness. "Why did you do it?" he repeated.

She didn't look at him but muttered something. "What?"

James heard only a bit of what she said: something about "Thomas" and "tea" and "kissing."

"Weasley was kissing tea?" James said cluelessly.

"No! He was kissing a girl!" she said.

James stood up suddenly, "I'll break his neck! I'll kill him!" He knelt in front of her again and said gently, "Lily, he's not worth it. You shouldn't have. Lily please look at me!"

Lily looked and saw that his face showed genuine care. "Oh, James!" she said suddenly throwing herself on him, sobbing on his shoulder. She cried hard, and soon his shoulder was wet.

James hugged her back and stroked her hair, trying to help her feel calm. "Who was he with?"

More muffled words.

"I'm sorry?"

"It was Anna," she whispered the last word, as though afraid he might hear it.

A/N:

Alright, so shoot me. I forgot. I'm sorry, I really am! I'm going to try to finish this story. I'm so so so terribly sorry. This is the longest chapter I've written, it's for you guys!

I had to use "**La la la la.**" To signify that I was changing POV. I didn't know what else to use, I tried everything and nothing worked! And I've noticed that my writing sucked, I was even laughing during the sad parts BECAUSE of how I had written in. Sorry about that, I hope this chapter was written better.

Um, what did you guys think? Review, possibly?


	14. Of Breakups and Suspicions

Disclaimer: I don't own anything.

They're in: Seventh Year

Recap:

_James finds out that Thomas has been cheating on Lily..._

Lily looked and saw that his face showed genuine care. "Oh, James!" she said suddenly throwing herself on him, sobbing on his shoulder. She cried hard, and soon his shoulder was wet.

James hugged her back and stroked her hair, trying to help her feel calm. "Who was he with?"

More muffled words.

"I'm sorry?"

"It was Anna," she whispered the last word, as though afraid he might hear it.

Chapter Fourteen: Of Breakups and Suspicions

"What?" He pulled away and looked into Lily's watery eyes. She shook her head and kept crying.

"I d-didn't want t-to believe it. I-I didn't know w-what to think..." James was in the process of standing up when Lily pulled him back down and said, "N-no! Don't leave, I n-need you."

Had she left off the last three words, he would have left anyway. But the mere thought that she needed him... _She_ needed _him_. He sat next to her on her bed and closed the curtains around them. She hugged him and he hugged her back. Sitting against the headboard was uncomfortable, but if it made Lily feel better he would stay like that.

After what seemed a long time, her cries subsided. "Are you feeling better?" James asked nicely. She nodded and pressed up against him. "I should be leaving..."

"Alright," Lily said sadly. He sat up and she sat up also. They walked to the door and looked at each other, "Um, thank you, for, er, staying with me," she attempted a smile.

"Anytime," he smiled at her.

She hugged him and said, "You don't know how much it meant to me." She kissed his cheek and let go of him. He grinned weakly at her and they went back downstairs to many catcalls and whistling.

They ignored them and sat down near the fire.

"So what are you going to do?"

"I was thinking about doing the essay of the antidotes of poisons for Potions," James replied.

"No, silly," Lily half-laughed. "I meant about Anna."

James gazed thoughtfully into the fire and said in an instant, "I'm going to break up with her. What about you?"

"Same."

They worked on their homework, each of them not getting much work done. The common room slowly emptied and soon they were the only ones left in there.

"I'm getting sleepy..." Lily said, fighting to keep her eyes open. It was well past midnight.

James yawned and said, "Me too."

"But I don't want to go back up and sleep in the same room as Anna..." Lily laid down on the couch after moving books and bits of parchment, glad that she had brought down her blanket.

"I don't want to leave you alone," James said, thinking of her cut-up arm. He didn't want her to do it again.

"Then sleep here too, you dolt," Lily said without really thinking and moved over to make a space for James.

He lay down next to her and put his arm around her protectively. Her breaths soon turned slow and even: she was asleep. Unconsciously she moved closer to him. He smiled, thinking he was the luckiest guy in the world and fell asleep too.

It was morning and James awoke by being pulled. "What are you doing!" a female voice said.

"What?"

"Get off of her! You're mine, just _what_ do you think you are doing!" Anna shrieked.

"I was sleeping, until you woke me up and the whole world too with your screaming!" James said, sitting up.

Anna turned to Lily, "You bitch! You slept with my boyfriend!"

"She what?" Thomas had appeared, apparently awakened by Anna's screams. He seemed appalled at the idea.

"I-I... we just slept... we didn't--" Lily began, trying to stay calm. She looked from Thomas to James to Anna. She didn't know what to do. Anna was yelling because she thought James was cheating on her. What a hypocrite!

"I hate you!" Anna yelled.

Lily began to retort when James said suddenly, "Leave her alone! We're through. We are _over_!"

All was silent. People had stopped halfway down the stairs; most were on their way down to breakfast. Some girls even had their hands over their mouths, apparently horrified. Jopelle was halfway to tears.

Anna resembled a fish: large, protruding eyes and a large gaping mouth. She opened and closed her mouth several times before deciding to say, "B-but honey-bee... why?" Her eyes were filling up with unshed tears that were threatening to fall.

"Why?" James laughed as if the reason should be obvious. "Why, you ask? _Because you were cheating on me with Thomas_!" he burst out.

Thomas looked aghast. He looked at Lily apologetically. He didn't try to deny it. Anna didn't deny it either.

"I don't want to be with you anymore, Thomas," Lily said quietly. Almost everyone was awake and watching the scene now.

Sirius came down the stairs and was surprised at the scene in front of him. Gaining his senses again he snapped, "Alright, go on! Go to breakfast, there's nothing to watch here!" Slowly people started to leave. "I said go!" he snapped unexpectedly every few minutes.

"I knew there were some loony people down here, screaming at 6:30 in the morning... I just didn't know those loony people were my friends..." he smiled weakly at them.

When the time came for their final lesson of the day, the news had spread about Lily and James: rumors were flying everywhere and anywhere at Hogwarts. The most popular rumor stated that James Potter and Lily Evans had sex. Absolutely everyone knew about the two break ups that had happened in the morning. Apparently, everyone knew everything about anything at Hogwarts.

Or at least they thought they did.

At dinner James sat next to Lily, encouraging the rumors about them floating about. "It feels so strange, having so many people talk about you..." Lily told James as they ate.

"I've never quite gotten used to the feeling. I rather enjoy it though."

Lily raised her eyebrows. "You enjoy having rumors saying that you had sex? Maybe it's because you have before..." she said casually.

"I haven't," James said, as though hurt that someone could think of him as such a pimp, for lack of a better word.

"You haven't? Oh, well, you seem like the type..." It was James's turn to raise his eyebrows.

"Well you don't seem the type who would cut."

An awkward silence rested upon both of them, each of them avoiding each other's eyes.

"Hi!" a cheerful voice across from them said.

"Oh, hi Moony!" James said, happy that the awkward silence was gone.

A few weeks later, everything was back to normal, there were hardly any rumors going around and Anna and Jopelle rarely confronted Lily. During breakfast one morning, Remus let out a low whistle while reading the _Daily Prophet_.

"What is it?" Sirius said, wondering what made Remus look surprised. Sirius was looking around, observing the students. He noticed a group of Slytherins were talking seriously and seemed impressed about something.

"Some bloke named Voldemort killed thirteen Muggles _and_ six wizards in two weeks! Talk about serial killer!"

"The cereal seems to be fine," Sirius said, inspecting the nearest bowl of cereal, earning him a whack on the head from Remus. "I'm sure the Ministry will catch, er, Volemonk soon. It's bound to happen soon, right?"

"I dunno," Remus replied, "the _Prophet_ says he used Dark magic to kill these people. Beside, it also says he's gathering followers."

"That's horrible, when I get out of here and train to be an Auror, I'll kick their Dark butts!" James said. Peter grimaced and didn't seem too happy about the prospect of James getting Voldemort's followers. "What's wrong with you, Wormtail?"

"Er, nothing, nothing. Yeah, er, I hope you get those Death Eaters!"

"Death Eaters?" Everyone stared blankly at Peter. "Is that what they're calling themselves? How do you know, Peter?" Remus said carefully.

"D-didn't you say th-that?" he squeaked. Remus shook his head. "Er, I-I must have, er, read it! Yes, I probably read it in a different article!" He suddenly had an overwhelming interest to his bacon and looked down at it.

Sirius, Remus and James exchanged suspicious looks.

"Do you think he could be involved?" Sirius asked later, when Peter was not around.

"I don't know," James said seriously.

"No," Remus was so firm that the other two looked at him surprised. "I mean come on; do you really think that he would do something like that? The kid doesn't have much backbone..."

James was only half-listening his eyes were out of focus and he was gazing at Lily who was talking to a seventh-year girl, Celeste, whom she had recently begun talking to.

"James?"

"You're absolutely right," James said, snapping out of his trance.

"You're hopeless," Sirius said.

"What are you talking about?"

"You were staring at Lily again," Remus supplied.

"I know. I just, I don't know what I could do. I want to be more than friends, you know?" Remus and Sirius looked at each other. "Anyway, about this Peter thing, I think you're right. He doesn't have enough courage to say an answer to a question in class, what would make us think that he would be with that bloke, er, Volomondore?"

"Voldemort," Remus corrected him, "and I agree."

A/N: Look! I updated this one fairly quickly, eh? Actually I finished it the same day I put up the 13th chapter. Yup. And I want to apologize for my horrible writing on the first 12 chapters. You know, I was actually laughing at the sad parts because I was thinking, "Oh gosh, I did that? That's horrible and stupid. Lol."

I will probably be rewriting them after I finish. Or before. I don't know. Review (oh, and can you read and/or review my one-shot "The Last Remains"? I rather like the effect I had and how I wrote it)! Umm, thanks for reading/reviewing! And I feel rather guilty I left this story hanging for nearly a year, and with a cliffie! Ouch! That was mean.

Toodles!


	15. Why Now?

Disclaimer: I don't own anything.

They're in: Seventh Year

Recap:

"You were staring at Lily again," Remus supplied.

"I know. I just, I don't know what I could do. I want to be more than friends, you know?" Remus and Sirius looked at each other. "Anyway, about this Peter thing, I think you're right. He doesn't have enough courage to say an answer to a question in class, what would make us think that he would be with that bloke, er, Volomondore."

"Voldemort," Remus corrected him, "and I agree."

Chapter Fifteen: Why Now?

It was near Christmas now; the grounds were covered with brittle snow. Lily seemed to think that if someone walked on the snow it would crumble and be no more. But even when she walked upon it, she saw the beauty of it. How each individual snowflake was formed delicately and precisely before it landed on the ground and became an unrecognizable lump of snow.

Snow was beautiful.

"What are you staring at?" Lily turned to look at the voice, saw that it was James, and looked away.

"Snow," she replied simply.

"It's cold you know, you should come inside." Lily had been sitting in the middle of the Quidditch Pitch, laying on her back and watching the snow fall down gracefully.

"I'm quite fine, thanks."

"Can I stay here with you?"

Lily looked him up and down, eyeing his face for signs of inappropriate intentions. Finding none she nodded before turning back to sky. They lay in the snow quiet for a while, each one thinking thoughts that absorbed each one into a world of their own.

After a long time, James broke the silence, "Lily, I have to ask you something..."

"Hmm?" Lily said, without breaking her staring contest with the sky.

"Iwangooutwiyu."

"Sorry? I didn't catch that..." she finally looked away from the sky. It was so unusual for James to rush into things and be nervous.

He took a deep breath and closed his eyes. "I want to go out with you," he said slowly. He opened his eyes and said quickly, "I-if you don't want to that's okay, I mean I was just..." he trailed off, not knowing what to say.

"James, I..." she seemed lost for words. Finally finding some words, she said, "I can't. I'm sorry, but I can't."

Before James could even say a word, she was already up and walking quickly toward the castle. The butterflies in his stomach subsided and was replaced with a hollow, sad feeling. It had taken him days of building his own confidence, reminding himself of every possible thing that had led him on to thinking she would say yes.

He walked up to the castle slowly, his heart beating with sadness. So much for all the confidence boosting he had gone through... _At least she said she _can't_, she didn't say she didn't _want_ to..._ Who was he kidding? She straight up rejected him. In his head the words stung painfully.

**_ABC_**.

Lily had just rejected the most popular and hottest guy at Hogwarts, even though Sirius could rival James any day. Anyone else would have accepted him without a second thought, I mean, _hello_! This was Hogwarts's most eligible bachelor, and no one in their right mind would have turned him down.

But Lily was different. She had only had one boyfriend and she would have rather not remembered that experience. _All guys are the same, if one's a bastard, they all are. I bet the only reason James asked me out was to just snog me and then dump me for a prettier girl..._ Thinking back, she felt differently for James than she had for Sirius.

Maybe she should start talking to Sirius, see what happened. _Oh, this is so confusing! I hate boys!_

**_ABC_**.

"How'd it go?" Wormtail asked as soon as James entered the room.

If glares could kill, Peter would have been dead. Twice.

"Not good, eh?" Sirius asked sympathetically.

James collapsed on the nearest chair and put his face in his hands.

Sirius, Remus, and Peter exchanged significant looks.

"She said no."

"We figured that much..." Remus said quietly, "did she say why?"

"That's the thing. She said she _couldn't_! I don't get it. Why can't she?" James said frustrated.

**_ABC_**.

Good thing that the news of James asking out Lily didn't spread too much. The rumor had almost died out, but no one really dropped it. Had it spread even farther, it would have made life hell for Lily. But it's not like she didn't know what that felt like anyway, right?

She was becoming closer friends with Celeste. She was so sweet. Why was she suddenly drawing people to her? She was doodling on a piece of parchment, drawing a heart and beginning to write letters inside. She hadn't yet written the letter because someone tapped her shoulder.

She turned, "Hi, I'm Joshua AuLumier." He had stuck out his hand and was smiling.

"Oh, hello Joshua. I'm Lily Evans."

"I know. But please, call me Josh." He had sat next to her and she looked at his robes. Ravenclaw.

"Are you a Seventh Year?" Lily asked curiously.

"Yes, and to tell you the truth, all this studying for N.E.W.T.'s are killing me."

_Strange... I wonder what he wants._ She smiled at him and bit her toast. The bell rang.

"Can I walk you to class?" He held out his arm for her.

"Er, alright..."

They made small talk as he walked her to class, he had even offered to carry her things, but she had declined. They walked into class and he sat next to her. She had forgotten that Gryffindors had Transfiguration with the Ravenclaws.

**_ABC_**.

Throughout the whole class, James glared at the back of AuLumier's head. How could Lily do this to him? He had just asked her out, no less than two days ago and she was already with someone else! What does she see in him anyway? James was much better looking than him. Oh yes he was.

And he was better at Quidditch too. Yes, anyone would surely like James over _AuLumier_.

Josh AuLumier was also quite popular, he was good looking, played Quidditch (Chaser, to be exact) and he had brains. Hence why he was in Ravenclaw.

Back to the point, why had Lily said no to James but was talking and _flirting_ with another guy?

**_ABC_**.

What the heck was that about? Transfiguration had (by far) been the worst class of the day. Between Josh wanting to help her anything he could, her Transfiguration being horrible (why, just _why_ couldn't she changed the beetle into a mouse?), and James glaring at her and Josh every second of the lesson... yes, it was by far the worst class.

What was up with Josh anyway? Why had he a sudden liking to her? Crazy, and just that day after dinner, another Ravenclaw Seventh Year had tried talking to her. His name was Dave Lipscomb or something like that anyway.

But why the sudden attention? What was going on? She didn't understand it. All she knew was that she had to keep them at a distance. She didn't want to go through the pain of having a boyfriend once more. That's why she had rejected James.

Lily was scared. She was scared of being hurt again. She liked James, she really did. James turning out to be like Thomas (who was now going out with Anna, by the way) would be a nightmare and saddened her even by thinking about it.

Frustrated thoughts popped into her head. _Why couldn't these guys notice me last year? Why now? I haven't changed since the beginning of the year; it's nearly the end of December. _

_Why now?_

Furious with boys in general, she crawled into bed silently cursing boys and the logic behind their queer actions.

**_ABC_**.

James wasn't quite sure as to why Lily was acting the way she was, but he _was_ quite sure he knew why guys just suddenly start taking interest in Lily...

**spotted kitten**: Sorry for the rather long author's note... but come on! This story has over 1170 hits, it's on 18 favorite lists, and 2 author alerts! Why am I getting only two reviews? Kudos to **Heather **for reviewing and doubly kudos to **Emrisah **for reviewing multiple times.

I planned out the rest of this story and there is going to be about 4 or 5 more chapters (meaning 19 or 20 chapters in total) and maybe, just _maybe_, an epilogue of some sorts. What say you? Epilogue or no epilogue?

Anyway, "**_ABC_**." capitols signifies POV change and "**_abc_**." lowercase signifies scene change. I used that because I used to use the squiggly line thing and the asterisk, but I dunno why it doesn't show up on ff. Neither do the dashes... It's really frustrating so I just used Abc and I'll be using that for the rest of the story unless someone can come up with a better alternative?

As a side note: AuLumier French for "At the light" I dunno, I thought you should know, it doesn't have any relevance to the plot though. I thought it sounded cool, heh. And (this is the last thing I promise) I've rewritten the first 6 chapters, so I will be replacing those within tomorrow and the day after.


	16. Unfinished Words

Disclaimer: I don't own anything.

They're in: Seventh Year

Recap:

Frustrated thoughts popped into her head. _Why couldn't these guys notice me last year? Why now? I haven't changed since the beginning of the year; it's nearly the end of December. _

_Why now?_

Furious with boys in general, she crawled into bed silently cursing boys and the logic behind their queer actions.

**_ABC_**.

James wasn't quite sure as to why Lily was acting the way she was, but he _was_ quite sure he knew why guys just suddenly started to take interest in Lily...

Chapter Sixteen: Unfinished Words

It was weekend already, which meant that they had three weeks until school started up again. Most students would be going home for Christmas, but she had immediately signed up to stay at Hogwarts like the past six years.

Recently, she had taken to sitting out on the Quidditch field and watch snowflakes as they fell silently to the ground. Sometimes, James Potter would come out and sit with her in silence. It was a comfortable silence, and each time he came to sit outside with her Lily, liked him more and more.

Ever since she had rejected him he had been nothing but nice to her. It's as if she hadn't really said no, and he was still waiting for her response, doing nothing wrong so that she would say yes although they both knew that Lily had said no.

A slight smile appeared on Lily's face as she saw out of the corner of her eye a lone figure coming down from the castle. When he got to her, James sat down as usual next to her, but this time, James interrupted their usual silence. "I'm staying at Hogwarts for Christmas this year." Usually James went home, but this year James created a story about needing the time to study for his N.E.W.T.'s and his parents had believed him.

"Oh," Lily responded. She looked at him, "Me too." They sat in silence for a long while before James broke the silence once more.

"I know why they keep asking you out."

Startled, Lily asked, "Who?" even though she knew exactly what he was talking about.

"AuLumier, Lipscomb, Wilbourne..." he trailed off.

"Well, why then?" she inquired, sitting up.

"Because of me."

Lily was confused. "What are you talking about?"

James explained, "You see, they know I like you, which is why I asked you out," Lily was being perplexed even more by every word James said. "They also know that you said no. They all want 'Potter's girl.' They compete against each other."

"I... I don't understand..."

"Before Anna and I started going out, somehow it had slipped that I was going to ask her out. A lot of guys started to ask her out, trying to get her before I could. It's like they're competing for the ultimate prize. Most of the guys here think of girls as things. Which ever girl was wanted by the most popular guy, they would try to get that girl before the said popular guy did."

"So," Lily said slowly, "they like or want me because _you_ want me?"

"Yes."

They lapsed into silence once more, but this time it felt a little awkward to Lily. She laid back down on the snow. "Why did you say no?" James broke the silence again.

Lily didn't respond, she just stared at the sky. Suddenly, she started moving her arms and legs.

"What are you doing?" James said, staring at her strangely.

"I'm making a snow angel." She laughed at James's expression and he started to laugh too.

She stopped moving. "Why did you stop?"

"I can't get up."

Confused, James questioned, "Why?"

"I'll ruin it; my hand print will be on it..."

Their thoughts strayed away from present time and into a world of their own. Unexpectedly, James had a bright idea. He stood up abruptly.

"Where are you going?"

"Nowhere. Give me your hand."

It was Lily's turn to be confused, but comprehension dawned on her face and gave him her hand. He pulled her up and she looked down at her snow angel. "I've never made a snow angel without a hand print," she whispered, turning back toward James who was still holding her.

"Lily..." They both noticed how close they were to each other.

She gulped and whispered, "Yeah?"

"Lily, I--" Laughter rang in their ears.

"What's going on here?" a cruel voice reached them. James muttered a string of colorful curses.

"What do you want?" he asked them coldly.

"We don't like Mudbloods and we don't like blood traitors. This seems the perfect opportunity to get rid of both in one go."

Fury was etched into James's face. "Why don't you go back into the dungeons? We won't bother you, you won't bother us." Before he had even finished, he knew it was useless.

Severus Snape and Bellatrix Black laughed cruelly. "Yeah, right, like we'd pass up an opportunity like this!" Bellatrix said shrilly.

Everyone at school knew that Snape and Black were dating, even thought everyone (including Snape) knew she would jump at the chance at being with Rodolphus Lestange. He had been her boyfriend for a year before he graduated Hogwarts and moved on to bigger, better things.

James found that his hand had traveled to his pocket without his consent and was gripping his wand tightly. He noticed Lily do the same.

Apparently, both Slytherins had noticed too, because before anyone knew it, Snape had yelled out, "_Levicorpus!_" and with a flash of light, Lily was hanging upside down by her ankle.

"Let her down!" James shouted, getting angrier by the second.

"As you wish," Snape flicked his wand and Lily fell to a crumpled heap on the snow.

"_Impedimenta!_" James yelled as Bellatrix had opened her mouth to curse Lily.

Snape glowered, "_Chagricious!_" James was blown backward and fell down about ten feet away.

"No!" Lily gasped.

Unfortunately, Snape had heard Lily and turned his attention toward her, "_Sectumsempra!_" A long, deep gash appeared on her face and she was bleeding profusely.

"_Stupefy!_" Lily wheezed and Snape fell crumpled to the floor.

It was now Lily and Bellatrix. James was struggling to get up a few feet away. They circled around each other Lily growing paler by the second. Finally deciding that she would make the first move, Lily shouted a well-aimed Jelly-Legs Jinx, but Bellatrix's reflexes kicked in and ducked in time.

"Is the wittle Mudbwood afwaid to use big, bad curses?" she laughed cruelly. "_Cruc--_"

"_Petrificus Totalus!_" Lily interrupted and Bellatrix instantly went rigid and fell over, landing on her face.

Lily wore a triumphant smile until she remembered about James. "James!" she called out as she reached him and fell to her knees.

He looked up at her, "I'm fine. You're bleeding."

The curse had worn off completely, working much like Impedimenta. He stood up and realized just how much she was bleeding. Lily was very pale, almost white and her robes were shining with blood.

"I know," she said weakly. He put her arm around his shoulders and assisted her to the castle. Halfway there, she had fainted from the lack of blood.

Worried beyond belief now, James hurriedly carried her into the castle and toward the Hospital Wing. He ignored the few students who were out of lunch early and had gaped at him. Within minutes, he had finally reached it.

"Madame Pomfrey!" He saw the young nurse grumble, but her grumbling ceased immediately when she saw Lily.

"Put her down on the bed!" she said commandingly and James did so. The nurse passed her wand expertly over Lily's wound on her face and left. She returned seconds later with a smoking, red potion and forced it into Lily's mouth.

"What happened?" she asked.

James told the story and retold it when asked to tell Professor McGonagall and Professor Snicket, the Head of Slytherin, and then once more to Professor Dumbledore. By the third time he was retelling the story, Severus Snape was being floated into the infirmary by Professor McGonagall, with Bellatrix walking at her side, seemingly bored. Apparently Professor McGonagall was still angry at the two Slytherins because she didn't care too much when Snape kept bumping into the walls.

**_abc_**.

The moonlight was shining through the window and Lily and James were the only ones in the infirmary. They were fine, but the nurse had insisted on keeping them overnight, but she had let out the two Slytherins without reluctance.

Neither had been able to sleep. Lily's thoughts were plagued with what James was going to tell her before they had been interrupted. What was it about? Was it about her? _What was he going to say?_

James thoughts were being plagued too for the same reason, but both had different thoughts. James was focusing on how Lily would have reacted to his confession. Would she hate him? Would she confess her undying love to him? Three little words, eight letters. He had gotten the first one out too; he was so close to saying it:

_I love you._

**spotted kitten**: Okay, from now on, updates will come less frequently because school is starting up again (I got my sched. today and I'm already hating sophomore year...) and other clubs/activities/projects etc. I will be doing. I will not abandon this story again (still feeling guilty about that). I'm thinking that you can expect updates from 2 to 4 weeks. If after a month I have NOT updated, e-mail me, bug me, IM me, w/e. (BTW: currently doing ch. 9 of rewriting).

Also, thanks to those who reviewed (101! YAY!) chapter 15: **taniita**, **Emrisah**, **TeArS oF fAtE**, **faerielights804**, and **Crazy4Cocopuffs** (I dunno what happened, I blanked out on that? I'll try to get him with a girl ).).


	17. Code Red

Disclaimer: I don't own anything.

They're in: Seventh Year

Recap:

Neither had been able to sleep. Lily's thoughts were plagued with what James was going to tell her before they had been interrupted. What was it about? Was it about her? _What was he going to say?_

James thoughts were being plagued too for the same reason, but both had different thoughts. James was focusing on how Lily would have reacted to his confession. Would she hate him? Would she confess her undying love to him? Three little words, eight letters. He had gotten the first one out too, he was so close to saying it:

_I love you._

Chapter Seventeen: Code Red

The next afternoon, the fussy Madam Pomfrey had finally let the two Gryffindors out to lunch. Lily and James walked quietly past the Great Hall, where lunch was still being served. They walked out into the main corridor, hoping that another incident like yesterday would not occur.

Following James into the Common Room, Lily thought of what James had possibly wanted to tell her yesterday.

James sat down against one on a couch near the fire and Lily sat down next to him. He put his arm around Lily and Lily did not object; instead she leaned into him, being happy that he was there with her.

They were both quiet for a few moments, then James broke the silence. "Lily?" he asked.

"Hmm?" she answered, eyes closed and smiling dreamily.

"Lily, I-"

"What?"

"I... I'm happy that you're here with me," James said. _Damn it! Why can't I just say what I feel?_

"Me too James," Lily mumurmed, snuggling up against James even more.

"Why are you doing this?" James said without thinking.

Lily's eyes snapped open and she turned sharply to face James, "Doing what?"

"Doing this!" he responded, as if it answered her question.

"What do you mean? What am I doing?"

"Leading me on, that's what!" Damn, the both of them were quite content just being together, and now James had ruined it because he just wanted to know.

"I'm not leading you on..." Lily looked away, shamefaced.

"Yes, yes you are. Why don't you just let me love you?" James eyes opened wide when realization dawned on him. He'd just said the 'L' word, hadn't he?

Lily looked at him and her eyes were wide as well. "Love?" she whispered, as if she were afraid of his answer.

James held his breath and let it out. "Yes. Lily, I tried to tell you yesterday-"

"Don't do this to me, just please don't."

"I'm not doing anything to hurt you! I just want to be with you. Why can't we?" James pleaded.

"I don't want to get hurt..." Lily responded softly after a moment.

James put his finger under her chin and gently raised her face. "I won't hurt you," he said, kissing her forehead.

"How do I know that?" Lily said sadly.

"Because... because, Lily, I love you." There. He had finally said it. A huge weight seemed to life from his shoulders. James welcomed the relief.

Lily's eyes opened even wider than before and she gasped. "No, James, you can't!" she said, before hurriedly leaving and running up the staircase to the girls' dormitories.

Damn, just when she thought that her life was getting better, James had to come along and ruin it for her. Was it really his fault though? He loved her.

_I love you,_ seemed to replay itself a million times in her mind. She slammed the door shut and frantically searched in her night stand drawer for her best friend in her time of stress...

She pulled out her razor blade and put it against her skin.

_How can I do this? I'll completely lose James's trust and he won't want me anymore!_

James.

Her thoughts seemed to always find their way back to James. How?

And why does she always care as to what he thought? What he did? How he was with her?

Wasn't she supposed to have a crush on Sirius Black, James Potter's best friend? Since when had she stopped liking Sirius and start liking James?

Wait, when had she even acknowledge that she had a thing for James?

Everything was so complicated now... she needed time to think, time to gather her thoughts together and be ready with her response to James.

But right now, she just needed her razor blade.

She ran the razor across her arm.

**_ABC_**.

_Shit._ Maybe he shouldn't have told her that he loved her. Why not though? He did love her... why couldn't she understand that he wouldn't hurt her like that bloke Weasley did?

He loved her, damn it!

This was definitely not going to plan. He was supposed to say that he loved her differently, it was supposed to be romantic and sweet. After he professed his love for her, she would gaze happily into his eyes and reveal that she had a secret love for him also. Then they would kiss.

Instead, James had ended up spitting the words out and Lily had run away from him, thinking that he would hurt her. But he wouldn't! He was different!

In fact, his feelings for her were different, they were so strong they couldn't be anything _but_ love.

James dropped his head into his hands and muttered, "Idiot! Stupid git!"

"Who? Snape? We already know that," Sirius said as he sat down next to his friend.

James glanced at where he was sitting. Lily had been sitting there moments ago. "No. Me."

"Well, I already know that too," Sirius chuckled and James glared at him. "Alright. I'm sorry, what's going on?"

James hesitated a bit, but knew that Sirius would never do anything to make him feel worse than he already was. On the contrary, he knew that Sirius would do anything in his power to cheer him up. He sighed, "It's Lily."

His friend nodded, somehow already knowing that a girl was the root of James's troubles. "Go on," he urged.

"I told her."

"Told her what?"

"That I love her."

Sirius stared at James. "Are you serious?"

"Yes, I'm serious!"

"No, I am," he smiled in an attempt to lighten the mood.

"Sirius, I'm serious here!"

"Alright, _Sirius_. What'd she do?"

"She ran away."

Sirius sucked in some air and said, "That would be a code red."

"Code red? What are you talking about?" James was in no mood to play guessing games.

"Alright, so there's seven codes you need to know about: white, yellow, black, green, orange, red, and blue. Code white is when a girl is totally in love with you and you are too. Code yellow is when a girl is just so happy to be with you that she'll do anything to stay with you. Now, Code black is-"

"Padfoot!"

"Alright! Code red, let me think," Sirius's face set itself in mock concentration, "oh yes. Code red is when a girl doesn't know what she wants. I usually stay away from those, they're quite dangerous to the heart," he finished, as if he were wise beyond his years.

"Code red... as in she might want me, she might not?" James asked hopefully.

"Erm, I guess... but you shouldn't pursue a code..." but James was already on his way out of the Common Room, a plan forming in his head.

**_ABC_**.

Lily was still sitting on her bed with all the curtains closed, but her arm had stopped bleeding. There were two more lines on her arm, both deeper than many that she had done before. With her wand, she cleaned up her arm and healed her cuts. No one would ever know what she did, it was perfect.

James's words had affected her so much. It hurt, but she didn't know why. His words should have been comforting and welcoming, so why did she keep having second thoughts?

She didn't want to get hurt by the boy that she liked so much. Her heart had already been broken once, who's to say that it won't get broken again?

A/N: Thanks to those who reviewed chapter 16: **Emrisah**, **taniita**, **TeArSoFfAtE**, **Crazy4Cocopuffs**, **faerielights804** (x2 because you reviewed twice:), and **beachbabe17**.

**Crazy4Cocopuffs**: I am seriously considering putting in a character just like you described. What's a name that you like? She'll be lucky w/Sirius hehe

**faerielights804**: I know you asked so long ago, but sophomore year is just the second year in American secondary schools. The first year is freshman year, the second is sophomore year, third is junior year, and fourth is senior years (we only have four years in our secondary school).

**beachbabe17**: James didn't ask why before he says "I love you" because he thinks that if he tells her that he loves her, it'll change her mind. We'll see what happens...

**_SORRY!_** for not updating AGAIN for a freakin year! But I know that this summer will be the last because I plan this story to have about 20 or 21 chapters. Um, I love you guys? Keep reviewing and make me happy:D


	18. Deception and Realizations

Disclaimer: I don't own anything.

They're in: Seventh Year

Recap: Lily was still sitting on her bed with all the curtains closed, but her arm had stopped bleeding. There were two more lines on her arm, both deeper than many that she had done before. With her wand, she cleaned up her arm and healed her cuts. No one would ever know what she did, it was perfect.

James's words had affected her so much. It hurt, but she didn't know why. His words should have been comforting and welcoming, so why did she keep having second thoughts?

She didn't want to get hurt by the boy that she liked so much. Her heart had already been broken once, who's to say that it won't get broken again?

Chapter Eighteen: Deception and Realizations

James ran out of the Common Room, eager to formulate a plan, but to do that he would need a quiet place to think, a place where he could concentrate and no one would bother him.

Passing the enormous tapestry (which showed Barnabas the Barmy's foolish attempt to train trolls into learning ballet) three times, James thought of his need and a door appeared on the smooth stone wall. He quickly entered it and found it to look much like the Gryffindor Common Room except much smaller and with parchment and quills lying around, ready for use. _What can I do to make Lily want me?_

**_ABC_**.

Lily yawned widely as the sun hit her face and she opened her green eyes slowly. Her auburn hair was disheveled and tangled; Lily ran a hand through it before going down to breakfast.

Glad that today was a Saturday, she sat down at the long table in the Great Hall and began buttering her toast. She spotted James down the table; he was eating his breakfast with Remus and Peter, but he did not look as if he were participating in the conversation. In fact, he looked surly and disgruntled.

Sirius, on the other hand, was sitting at the Ravenclaw table flirting with a pretty brunette. The girl had green eyes and a sprinkle of freckles across her nose and cheeks. Lily vaguely recognized her as a sixth year, but she could not remember her name.

Biting into her buttered toast, she glanced down the table at James. At that moment he decided to do the same and the two made eye contact. Lily quickly looked down at her food and felt her face begin to redden. She hoped that her hair was covering her face and she sneaked another look down the table. James was apparently very interested in his food and scowled when Remus addressed him.

On the whole, James looked miserable. Was it because Lily had basically rejected him last night? Frowning in thought, Lily felt as if she made the wrong choice last night. How bad could it be? James loved her and Lily liked him. In time her like for him would surely grow into love, right?

Making up her mind, she decided that if James was still surly and grumpy in two days, she would take back her words from last night. After all, he could just be having a bad day today and his surliness could have absolutely nothing to do with her.

It all depended on how James acted in these next two days. Monday would be the day she would either tell him she likes him or keep ignoring him.

**_ABC_**.

"Why are you in such a sour mood?" Remus asked when Peter had decided that he got bored and returned to the Common Room. Peter had been acting very strange lately, Sirius, Remus and James had noticed. Peter had now taken to taking midnight walks with big, black cloaks and he always took the Map with him, even when another had requested that he leave it. Since when did Peter get bored at the Great Hall anyway? He loved to eat, and now he looked as if he had lost several pounds and didn't eat much anymore. Yes, something was definitely happening to Peter.

James scowled at him and responded, "Sirius hasn't told you?"

Just then, Sirius plopped down next to James and asked, "What didn't I tell?"

Ignoring Sirius's question, Remus's face was carefully set itself in a neutral face, "No he didn't tell me anything. Will you tell me what's wrong with you?"

Hesitating for as long as possible, James finally said, "I told Lily that I love her and she ran away. She didn't even tell me if she liked me _that way _or not."

Thinking deeply, Remus answered, "She's probably scared to get hurt. I've seen the two of you together. Both of you are always so happy to be just with each other, it's so obvious. She probably just needs some time to realize her feelings for you."

James looked into his friend's face, awed at his wise thoughts. "Wow, Remus. Since when have you been so girl-savvy? What did you do, read a book or something?"

"I kind of just picked it up," Remus was smug.

"I have a suggestion that will probably help with your horrible dilemma," Sirius grinned, "Jealousy really does the trick. Speeds up the realization process quite a bit, you know."

"Sirius!" Remus scolded. After a few moments in thought, he added, "But it's true."

"Really? Jealousy? So I should get a girlfriend to make her jealous," James quickly concluded.

Sirius and Remus exchanged looks and Sirius said, "As long as you don't take this other girl too seriously and she knows it, then yeah."

James perked up and surveyed the Great Hall to search for any possible candidates. "I know this girl, this Hufflepuff, she has a huge crush on you (well, this week anyway), her name is Marcela, Marcy for short," Sirius said helpfully.

"Really? Where is she?" James was already excited.

"I don't understand why she doesn't like me instead," Sirius grumbled, then responded, "She's at the Hufflepuff table. She's that short, blonde girl who's getting up right now."

Without a second glance, James bounded up to her and asked, "Marcy?"

Marcy's eyes opened wide and she nodded.

James kissed her passionately. _I'm kissing Lily_, he thought desperately, trying to ignore how bad Marcy kissed. He really hoped that Lily would realize her feelings soon and do something about them. Smiling winningly, he asked, "Will you be my girlfriend?"

Giggling, she nodded again. James left and sat down again with his friends and joyfully exclaimed, "Guys, I've got a girlfriend. Is she looking over here?"

"No, she's giggling and gossiping with her friends, why?" Sirius asked, peering over at the Hufflepuff table.

"No, not her! Lily! Is she looking over here?" James said, exasperated.

"No, she's glaring at Marcy and looking pretty angry," Remus responded.

"Good," James grinned.

**_ABC_**.

He just kissed that girl! Didn't he just tell her yesterday that he loved her? He was playing her! What an asshole! Lily had never seen him even acknowledge Marcy, but apparently they were more than acquaintances since they just kissed.

Lily was fuming. No, she didn't care. At least, she was trying to convince herself that she didn't care. It didn't concern her at all. Whatever James did with Hufflepuff tramps was all his business, not hers.

Glaring at the accused Hufflepuff, Lily told herself that all guys were asses and they all needed to stop playing with people's hearts. She couldn't even finish her food, so she just left the Great Hall and walked out of the castle.

Still mad about the Great Hall incident, she sat down at the edge of the lake, occasionally angrily throwing rocks into it. How could he have done that to her? Lily was really hurt. _Maybe it's payback because I hurt him yesterday._ Lily quickly discarded the idea.

Frustrated with boys in general, she dropped her head into her hands and closed her eyes hard. It was cold outside, and Lily hadn't been planning on going outside anyway so she didn't have a cloak or a jacket to keep warm. Rubbing her hands together and blowing on them in an attempt to warm them up, she realized _why_ she was hurt and why her thoughts always drifted to James no matter what.

Lily's eyes sprang open with realization, and suddenly she felt very stupid and naive. How could she have ignored this for so long? She hadn't even realized when it happened, but it did.

Lily Evans had fallen in love with James Potter, and she ruined her chances with him.

A/N: I got this one out a lot faster, huh? Yay! I've already finished chapter 20 and I'm starting chapter 21. I'm planning 22 chapters. Anyway thanks to those who reviewed chapter 17: **robster639**, **Emrisah**, **ReadingRobyn**, and **irit**.

**Emrisah**: You have stuck through this story for a really long time (over a year haha) thanks so much for your encouragement! 3


	19. A Surprising Friend

**Important Author's note at the end.**

Disclaimer: I don't own anything.

They're in: Seventh Year

Recap: Lily's eyes sprang open with realization, and suddenly she felt very stupid and naive. How could she have ignored this for so long? She hadn't even realized when it happened, but it did.

Lily Evans had fallen in love with James Potter, and she ruined her chances with him.

Chapter Nineteen: A Surprising Friend

Shutting her eyes in regret, she wished that she could rewind time to yesterday night. Oh, if only she had realized her love for him just one day earlier she would have been one of the happiest girls of her life. Instead she was alone and unhappy. How could she have been so stupid?

Lily pulled out her razor blade from her pocket and looked longingly at it.

Tears began to pour out of her eyes when James kissed Marcy entered her thoughts. He had gotten over her quite quickly. He had Marcy now, and Lily had no one. No one to turn to, to cry to, or even to hug.

Hearing the snow crunch nearby her, she realized that someone was coming near and she quickly wiped off her tears and put away her razor blade. Hoping that the person was James, she set her face in a grave way. Lily had decided that if James was better off without her, then so was she.

She felt someone wrap a cloak around her. "Ja-" she began, but when she turned she saw that it was not James, but his friend Remus Lupin.

"Oh, hello Remus," Lily said, disappointed.

Remus sat down next to her. He had a thermal long sleeve shirt and a short sleeve shirt over it; he must be cold. "I saw how you rushed out of the Great Hall."

Lily was quiet for a moment, "So?" she said, a little more rudely than she had meant it to be.

"So I have a guess as to why," Remus said, unmoved by her rudeness.

"What's your guess?"

"A certain Gryffindor boy," he responded easily.

Lily let out a groan of frustration. "Is it that obvious?" she said quietly.

"No, not really, I just have a knack for noticing things," he answered.

"Oh." So Remus knew that she had a thing for James. "Please don't tell him that I'm upset."

"Why?" Remus questioned.

Lily looked at the horizon, "He's already gotten over me. My feelings came too late; I'll have to get over him too."

"I see," Remus said without revealing much emotion. He glanced over at her and saw that her eyes were shiny with unshed tears. He put a comforting arm around her and she looked up to him. He smiled down at her and she gave a weak smile back. "I'm here for you," Remus said, knowing that Lily was about to cry.

Lily took that as her cue and began crying. She buried face into his warm shoulder and cried, thankful that she did have someone after all.

Maybe she didn't need James; he certainly didn't seem to need her. If she could just focus on liking someone else...

After a few minutes, Lily's cries subsided and she whispered a grateful, "Thank you," to Remus. He nodded and held her in a comforting embrace.

Once Lily had calmed down, they walked into the castle and into the Common Room. Lily thanked Remus once more and gave him a quick hug before going into her dormitory.

**_ABC_**.

"Well?" James asked anxiously once Lily had gone upstairs. He had asked Remus to check up on Lily, to make sure she wasn't doing... well that she wasn't hurting herself in any way.

"Well what?" Remus responded lazily.

"Well what happened?" James answered.

"Nothing," Remus answered before making his way to his dorm.

"What do you mean nothing?" James yelled at his retreating back before chasing him up the stairs.

Remus looked James in the eye and said, "She asked me not to tell you. That's all."

"Okay," James said, "so what did she say?"

Remus rolled his eyes, "I just told you what she said. She said for me not to tell you."

James's eyes opened wide in anger, "So you're not going to tell me?"

"If you had asked me not to tell something, I wouldn't. I consider that a promise and I don't break my promises," Remus responded calmly.

"That's bullshit!" James angrily said.

"Well, I'm sorry. I can't tell you."

**_ABC_**.

It was almost midnight. _Remus was so sweet_, Lily thought as she got into bed. Lily was really glad that he was there to comfort her earlier that day; who knows what she would have done if she was upset all by herself with a sharp object.

Lily fell asleep, hoping that the next day would be a much better one.

But it didn't turn out to be. Lily had caught a cold from being outside in the cold with only a thin cloak. She stayed in bed the whole day, hoping that her cold would be gone soon. She didn't even eat; her sore throat did not allow her to. She knew she ought to have gone to the Hospital Wing; Madam Pomfrey would surely have given her a Pepper-Up Potion to take away her cold.

Lily didn't want to go out because she knew that James would be around, and she was afraid of her reaction. Especially if he was with Marcy. That girl seemed to have a new boyfriend and/or crush every week.

Drifting in and out of sleep all day, her thoughts still went to James quite a bit. She missed him. She missed being with him, being in his arms, and him making her laugh. She missed how his hair was always disheveled no matter what he did, how his grin was lopsided, and that mischievous glint in his eyes when Sirius and him thought up of a new prank.

Monday morning came and she realized that her dorm was empty. Her dorm mates hadn't bothered to wake her up! Lily quickly brushed her teeth and ran a brush through her hair. She grabbed the nearest cloak and fastened it on. Rushing down the steps, she realized that there were not any students in it.

She checked her watch and realized that Transfiguration had started five minutes ago. She slipped into class quietly, thankfully Professor McGonagall had just gotten the class settled and was calling roll. Just as Lily sat down in her seat, she heard, "Lily Evans!"

"Present, Professor," Lily said, setting her back down. Professor McGonagall gave her a disapproving look but kept calling roll.

James glanced at her, then at her chest, then he seemed to be upset. Lily ignored him, but she heard a few snickers when she walked into class.

"What are they laughing at?" Lily whispered, leaning toward Remus so he could hear her.

As Remus opened his mouth to answer, a ball of paper bounced angrily onto his desk and Remus opened it. His brows furrowed and he had a slight frown. Then he too looked at her chest and said, "You're wearing my cloak."

Glancing down at her own chest, Lily saw the name "Remus Lupin" stitched into the cloak, right under the Gryffindor crest. "Oh dear," she said as her face reddened.

A paper airplane landed on Lily's desk. There was writing in it, so she opened it.

_Someone was busy with Lupin last night._

Lily groaned and showed the writing to Remus. His cheeks grew a little pink, but other than that he had no reaction. Damn, she should've paid attention as to what cloak she grabbed before she dashed out. Now there were going to be rumors flying around that she and Remus Lupin had sex.

By the time it was lunchtime, the whole school would think that Lily Evans and Remus Lupin had sex, recorded it, and the video would be floating around school. And according to that video, one of Lily's boobs was bigger than the other. Rumors had an uncanny ability to spread quickly and with it the use of people's imagination.

**_ABC_**.

It was lunchtime, and thankfully the rumor hadn't spread. It might have had something to do with James yelling at anyone he heard saying it.

James was fuming by the time that he sat down for lunch. Lily was sitting on the other end of the table. James hadn't had the chance to speak to Remus yet, but here was the chance.

"Why does she have your cloak?"

"I lent it to her," Remus said, serving himself some mashed potatoes. "It was cold."

"Oh, so it was on Saturday?"

"Mhmm." Well, that was settled then. James knew that Remus would not have done anything like that to him. Lily had returned Remus his cloak after Transfiguration and ran up to her dorm to get her own.

"Alright. You still won't tell me what she said, right?" James asked.

"Right."

"Jamieee!" James cringed, but forced a smile.

"Yes, pumpkin?" he responded in sarcasm. Marcy made him call her that.

"Jamie!" she squealed, "Oh Jamie! I missed you today!"

"We saw each other this morning."

"It doesn't count if we don't snog!" Marcy winked at him. Remus snorted into his cup.

James forced another smile for her. It was only day three of their relationship and he was already annoyed to the max with her. But it was all for Lily, as soon as she realized what her feelings were, he'd dump Marcy in an instant.

She kissed him sloppily and James pulled back. "What's wrong, pookie?" Marcy attempted to pout.

"Erm-this is my bad side, sit on my other side so you can see my good side," James answered. He was only kissing Marcy so that Lily would see and get jealous, the sooner the better.

"Okay!" She shifted to his other side and kissed him again, this time missing his mouth and kissing only his upper lip.

He took a quick peek at Lily and she was glaring daggers at the couple and he quickly shut his eyes.

Whatever he did, it was for Lily and only for her.

A/N: **I FORGOT TO TELL YOU: I will be leaving Tuesday the 4th for a trip to Argentina and will not be back until the 26th. I might be able to update once more before I leave but I dunno if I'll be able to. **

I think you guys are really going to like the next chapter, or the end of it anyway.

Okay, so I have a couple comments/questions to ask of my readers (sans a few of them): This story has almost 6,000 hits, it's on 30 people's favorite lists, and 20 people have this story on alert. So here are my questions: why do I get such few reviews? It's discouraging you know.

Why do only half of the people who read chapter one actually go on to chapter two?

How should I improver chapter one so that more people make it to chapter two?

Anyway, thanks to those who reviewed chapter 18: **Emrisah** and **CASOCCERCHIC02** (X3) and thanks to those who reviewed before but I forgot to thank: **tyismyjugglo**,** marauderchick**,**lilalex13**, and**Peggz**.


	20. Reconciliation in a Big Way

Disclaimer: I don't own anything.

They're in: Seventh Year

Recap: She kissed him sloppily and James pulled back. "What's wrong, pookie?" Marcy attempted to pout.

"Erm-this is my bad side, sit on my other side so you can see my good side," James answered. He was only kissing Marcy so that Lily would see and get jealous, the sooner the better.

"Okay!" She shifted to his other side and kissed him again, this time missing his mouth and kissing only his upper lip.

He took a quick peek at Lily and she was glaring daggers at the couple and he quickly shut his eyes.

Whatever he did, it was for Lily and only for her.

Chapter Twenty: Reconciliation in a Big Way

How gross. It made Lily scrunch her nose up in disgust just thinking about _The Kiss_. It was nasty really; she was all over James, doing her best imitation of trying to be cute. Except it didn't quite work on Marcy.

Guys probably only got with Marcy because she was so easy. A horrifying thought occurred to Lily: What if the only reason James was going out with Marcy was to get laid? Gosh, they had been together for two weeks now, surely _things_ had happened between them.

What did it matter to her anyway? He got over her quickly; he just wanted Lily to have sex with him in the first place, right?

Crazy thoughts rushed through Lily's head as she tried to find an explanation of why James was going out with Marcy.

**_ABC_**.

"She's gross!" James exclaimed, when Sirius asked about Marcy in the dorm room. It was ritual for the boys to have a night of eating candy and talking on the last day of every month. "She's a bloody horrible kisser, too!"

Sirius grinned, "Anything for Lily, right?"

"She'd better come around soon because I don't know how much of Marcy I can handle," James grumbled. "She's pressuring me to have sex! Isn't it supposed to be the other way around?"

Remus frowned, "She's easy. Everyone knows that. Something tells me that you should have chosen a different girl, this one seems to want to do everything fast."

"Tell me about it," James replied. "I can't wait till we're done."

"What makes you think that Lily still likes you anyway?" Peter asked.

James looked at him. "I don't know, but I sure hope that she does. I'm miserable without her."

**_ABC_**.

"Oof!" James was grabbed and pushed into an empty class room he happened to be standing by. "Oy, what's going on?" he called out.

"We," a voice responded, reaching for his robes, "are going to have some fun!" The door closed and James felt around for a light switch.

"_Lumos_," he said and he was face to face with his girlfriend. James groaned inwardly. Marcy giggled and pulled his robes off. "What are you doing?" James said as he tried to get his robes back on.

It was too late; Marcy had flung his robes across the room.

**_ABC_**.

Lily heard a thump and the class room door close with a snap. _Stupid lovebirds_, Lily thought as she walked by.

**_ABC_**.

"I told you, we're going to have some fun. You seem so uptight, let me help you with that," she murmured as she tried to unbuckle his belt. She pushed him up against the wall next to the door.

"I am not uptight; I need to get to class!" James said, trying to get away. She pushed him back against the wall with a thump.

"Just stay and you will forget all about class." Marcy gave up with his belt and started to unbutton his shirt.

**_ABC_**.

Lily heard several bumps and didn't think that those were normal sounds coming from there, unless they liked it rough. If it was a normal couple in there, the sounds would have been much different.

Eyes opening wide, she thought perhaps someone was beating up a student. Lily knew that she was already late to class, but she couldn't just walk by and let them do that to another student. She turned around and walked toward the door.

**_ABC_**.

"Marcy, stop!" James protested, he really did not want to do this, but he couldn't exactly use force to stop her.

He felt her cold hands find their way under his shirt and feeling his body.

**_ABC_**.

Lily turned the doorknob and opened the door. She heard all sounds cease.

**_ABC_**.

The door was open. Someone caught them. Both James and Marcy froze. James was relieved that he wouldn't have to deal with Marcy. But his relief disappeared when he saw who had caught them.

**_ABC_**.

Lily's eyes looked from James's robes across the room, to where Marcy's hands were, and to James's exposed torso.

"Lily!" It was too late, she was already running away. Tears were streaming down Lily's face as ran down the halls trying to get the image of James and Marcy out of her mind; but it was just too much. James had broken her heart without having any remorse.

Panting, Lily stopped as she turned a corner. She leaned against the wall and closed her eyes. Oh, this was so horrible, how was she ever going to get over James?

**_ABC_**.

"Lily!" James yelled again. He pushed Marcy's hands away forcefully and grabbed her shoulders. "I do not want to do anything with you Marcy. In fact, we're done." He quickly buttoned his shirt as he dashed from the classroom, leaving his forgotten cloak behind.

He ran after Lily, wondering where she had gone. He felt so guilty, the look on her face when she saw the two of them together. James's plan had gone too far. _It wasn't my fault though_, James thought angrily, _it wasn't my idea to go into that classroom and I certainly did not want Lily to see me like that_.

He hoped that she had not gone far.

Turning a corner at full force, he ran into someone and both fell with a thump on the ground.

"I'm sorry-" he began, but stopped as he realized that it was Lily.

**_ABC_**.

Someone ran into Lily knocking her to the ground and the person falling on top of her. "I'm sorry-" he began. His face was blurred because of the unfallen tears in Lily's eyes, but she could recognize his unkempt hair and his concerned voice anywhere.

It was James.

Lily tried to push him off her, but he wouldn't budge. "Get off me!" she cried, furiously driving her hands at his chest, but his chest was strong and she doubted that it hurt at all. "Get off!" she repeated, hoping that he would come back to his senses and quit ogling at her.

**_ABC_**.

James quickly got up and pulled Lily up as well. He hugged her tight and murmured in her ear, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

Lily thrashed a little against him but when she realized he would not let her go she quit protesting but did not hug him back. "What are you doing, James?"

He didn't answer, just held her more tightly.

"Oh, James, why did you do that? Could you really get over me that fast?" Lily whispered, hurt evident in every word she spoke.

"No! I just wanted to make you jealous; I wanted you to want me like I wanted you. I need you, Lily. I love you."

"That was definitely the wrong way to go about it then!" Lily said fiercely, this time successfully pushing him away.

"I know, I don't know what I was thinking, I'm sorry, Lily," James said helplessly.

Lily looked him in the eyes and tried to find a lie in them. She couldn't. "Do you like her?" she asked quietly.

"No, I don't. She's the most annoying girl ever. Please Lily, forgive me."

"I don't know if I can, James, you broke my heart."

A glimmer of hope. Her heart had been his after all. He knew that she liked him after all, maybe even more than like.

"I'll put it back together then," he said as he walked up to Lily and pulled her close to him.

"How?" she whispered, letting herself be pulled to him.

James put his finger under Lily's chin and gently lifted her head so that she was looking at him. "Like this," he responded and pressed his lips to hers. Lily responded by kissing James back, so happy that she was finally kissing him.

Lily's arms found their way around James's neck and James's arms were somehow around Lily's waist, as if he were afraid to let her go.

After they finally broke apart, Lily rested her head against James's chest. "James?" she whispered, her eyes still closed.

"Hmm?" he responded, afraid that if he spoke any actual words then the moment would be ruined.

"I love you."

James's eyes opened quickly. Had he just heard right? Yes, Lily just said that she loved him. "I love you, too."

A/N: There's the long awaited kiss! Anyway, thanks to those who have reviewed chapter 19: **lilalex13**, **moony07**, **Whitelight72**, **futurePOTUS**, **ReadingRobyn**, **Animals are my LIFE**, **sumdea**, **Emrisah**, **CASOCCERCHIC02**, **Annabelle**, and **tyismyjuggalo** (x2).

**ReadingRobyn**: Lily isn't cutting again, she was just tempted to, she almost did but she didn't. Thanks for your ideas but I pretty much have it all planned out :

**Emrisah**: Wow! Hope you had fun in France, I know I had fun in Argentina.

Well I came back about a week ago, but I haven't been able to update because I've had a lot of laundry to do and people to catch up with. But here's your update and the next one definitely will NOT take as long. holds up right hand Scout's honor. :


	21. Unfortunate

Disclaimer: I don't own anything.

They're in: Seventh Year

Recap: After they finally broke apart, Lily rested her head against James's chest. "James?" she whispered, her eyes still closed.

"Hmm?" he responded, afraid that if he spoke any actual words then the moment would be ruined.

"I love you."

James's eyes opened quickly. Had he just heard right? Yes, Lily just said that she loved him. "I love you, too."

Chapter Twenty-One: Unfortunate

It was dinner time, and by now every student had heard that James and Marcy had broken up and that James had a new girlfriend: Lily Evans.

Lily and James sat next to each other giving each other silly grins every once in a while, their hands clasped underneath the dinner table.

Sirius and Remus gave each other knowing looks. "I never saw this coming!" Remus said in mock shock.

"Neither did I! I thought that James and Marcy were _soul-mates_!" Sirius continued.

"Ugh, don't even say that name anymore," James said, glad to know that his relationship with Marcy was finally over.

Marcy had already found herself a new boyfriend, an unfortunate shallow boy whose name was Calvin.

**_ABC_**.

Months were flying by, it seemed as if someone was fast forwarding through time, and before anyone knew it, it was time for the fifth years to take their O.W.L.'s and the seventh years to take their N.E.W.T.'s. Everywhere you went in the castle during the month of May one could see the seventh year students studying quietly in the library or walking along reciting incantations or definitions to themselves.

Even the Marauders were actually taking these tests seriously. Students surprised themselves by seeing the four mischievous boys in the library actually studying. Many thought it was Sirius and James's first times in the library since first year.

"I can't believe we're almost done with school," Lily said one night after they finished their potions practical. "I don't even know what I'm going to do when I get out. I mean I'm taking the N.E.W.T.'s for a bunch of subjects... but still... I don't know." Lily was proud to say that she had been self-inflicted-cuts-free for about five months. It hadn't been easy, she was certainly tempted, but she had never been happier in her life. In Lily's world, James meant joy.

"Well, I don't think you'll have many problems with that," James said nervously. They were both sitting by the Common Room fire. Most of the students had quit studying for the History of Magic exam the next morning, but there still remained a handful of seventh years. Lily hadn't realized that they were smug faces, as if they knew something that she did not.

"Why's that?" Lily responded, smiling at her boyfriend. Why did James seem tense?

"Because..." James started rummaging around in his robes, groping around for this mysterious item. "Well... I--" He cut himself off and looked at the ground apprehensively and lowered himself to it. He got on one knee and anxiously peered into Lily's face as he said a little more confident than he what he looked, "Lily, I love you. And I... I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I... Well... What I'm getting at is... Will you marry me?" he finished a little rushed.

Lily's hand had flown up to her mouth and even though James hadn't said anything too loudly, she noticed that the Common Room had gone oddly quiet, as if waiting to hear what the pair of them was talking about. "I... I..." She looked slightly confused at the form kneeling in front of her with a ring in his hand waiting for Lily's answer. She tried to smile at him, but her shock seemed to have made her forget how to smile properly.

Suddenly, a true smile broke her face and she leaned a little forward. "James, I love you too. Yes! I want to marry you!" she exclaimed and threw her arms around him. "I wouldn't want to spend it with anyone else but you," she whispered. Cheers erupted from the few students who were in the room with them. She looked around at her fellow students, albeit a little blurrily because her eyes held unshed tears.

"Yeah!" Sirius whooped as he ruffled his best friend's hair and hugged Lily.

"I knew you two belonged together," Remus smiled and he gave Lily a friendly kiss on the cheek and clapped James's back.

For another while, both Lily and James were being congratulated by the various students who were still left in the Common Room. Peter was mysteriously missing from the celebrations.

Once everyone had finished and gone up to bed, James, Lily, Remus, and Sirius were still by the fire, talking excitedly about the news. "I just, I never expected it, well I kind of did but I didn't know when. Oh, James! I'm so happy!"

James shot her a silly grin before replying, "Me too. It just seemed like the right time... I had told Sirius, Remus, and Peter what I was going to do. Apparently, they spread the news rather quickly. I was afraid that you'd find out before I had gotten the chance to propose." He gave his two friends a stern look, but ruined the overall effect by giving them a huge wink.

Remus and Sirius gave each other sheepish looks and Remus said, "Well, we can't help it if someone overheard us when we were talking about it."

"It's not like she found out anyway," Sirius said, giving a bark-like laugh.

The portrait hole opened and Peter came stumbling in. "Peter! Where've you been?" Sirius exclaimed, raising his eyebrows.

"I've been... You know... I was..." Peter responded clearly trying to think up of an adequate lie.

The three friends gave each other significant looks and Remus spoke, "No, we don't know where you've been. Could you enlighten us please?"

"I... er..." Peter's face brightened and then he quickly changed his face so that it showed slight embarrassment, "Oh, alright. I was in the prefects' bathroom. I overheard you telling the password to the other prefect and I just wanted to see if the rumors were true. I wanted to see how big it was and, well, frankly I just wanted to take a bath in that huge bath. Okay? Happy?"

"Right," James said, looking at Peter questioningly, but dropped the subject and changed his expression quickly and told him, "Peter! I proposed to Lily, she said yes!" he added unnecessarily as Lily gave James a huge smile and raised her left hand so that Peter could get a good look of her ring.

"Wha--Oh! Wow! Congratulations!" he said hastily.

**_ABC_**.

"Where do you think Peter really was yesterday night?" James asked his two friends on their way to the Potions test. Peter had not earned a grade high enough to continue with the subject.

"I don't know. He's been acting a little strange lately," Remus responded, leaning casually against the stone wall outside of the Great Hall.

"You're right," Sirius added on to the conversation, "he's been disappearing a lot and taking the map with him. I dunno what he's doing but I don't think it's good for him, he's always pale and peaky now."

"Yeah, and the other day I was messing with him and hit his arm. He got really angry and stormed out of the Common Room. I don't know what's gotten into him," James said.

"Something definitely isn't right," Remus continued, but stopped there because it was time for the students to walk into the Great Hall and begin taking their test.

**_ABC_**.

Lily had never been happier in her life, in just one year her life had done a complete one-eighty. She felt beautiful, she had a wonderful boyfriend... scratch that, she had a wonderful _fiancé_. The word sounded foreign in her mind, but it was true. She was going to be married! It was the most amazing feeling that she had ever felt. Just thinking about James and his roguish grin made her stomach flip flop and her heart flutter.

Everything felt too good to be true.

She needed to stop thinking about this; she was almost late to the exam. She had just arrived into the entrance hall as everyone was walking into the Great Hall. Now she had the Potions exam in front of her and she really needed to concentrate.

**_ABC_**.

"Time's up!" tiny Professor Flitwick called out when the last grain of sand fell through the sand timer at the front of the Great Hall. "Please remain in your seats until I collect your exams. _Accio_!" One hundred tests flew across the Great Hall and landed in a neat pile on a table next to him where there were also fragments of broken quills and empty ink bottles. "You may leave!" he said.

There was a great scraping sound of all of the chairs being pushed back and their occupant getting their belongings. "How'd the test go?" Sirius asked James as they walked toward the exit.

"Pretty good. I'm supposed to wait for Lily right by the staircase outside. Want to wait with me?" James responded.

"Ick. And see the two of you snogging? No thanks, I'll just go find my girlfriend," Sirius replied and James raised his eyebrows questioningly. "I asked her out yesterday. Her name is Anne, she's actually really nice compared to the other girls I usually go out with." He shrugged. "Ah, there she is." Without further ado, he zigzagged through the students toward a pretty brunette with green eyes and olive skin. She might've been around 5'3".

James shook his head as he watched his friend give the girl a kiss and led her outside of the castle. Before he knew it, he was getting kissed. He kissed her back and pulled her close.

Something made a loud noise. James tore away from his girlfriend and looked around for the source of the noise. Apparently someone was holding their book bag in their hands and had dropped his. Apparently that someone was Lily. James blinked and stared at her. That couldn't be Lily, he had just kissed Lily and she was right in front of him. He turned his head and looked at the girl who kissed him. "Anna!" James yelped, jumping away from her as if he had just been burned.

Anna gave him a sinister smile and traced her finger on his jaw. "So what were we doing?" she asked, getting closer to James.

Lily walked up to James and slapped him hard. She dropped something and ran up the stairs, despite the fact that it was sunny and beautiful outside. "Lily! Wait!" James called, but Lily didn't stop. He looked down to see what she had dropped. It was her ring. He picked it up and clenched it in his hand. All of the students in the entrance hall had stopped what they were doing just to watch the scene unfolding in front of their eyes. "Why did you do that!" he rounded on Anna.

Her eyes widened in fear but quickly went back to normal as she smiled seductively, "Because James, we're meant to be together. Two purebloods. That's what we are. We _belong_ together."

"No we don't!" he yelled, "Lily and I do! Leave us both alone!" He turned and ran in the direction of where Lily was going. "Lily!" he called out again. He had no idea where she had gone. He ran up to the Common Room. "Lily?" he said as he burst through the portrait hole.

No luck. She wasn't there. He went to his dorm room and fished out the Marauder's Map from the bottom of his trunk. "I solemnly swear that I am up to no good," he recited as the tip of his wand touched the worn parchment. Ink lines spread through out the whole map. _Where was she?_ He looked for her name. Surprisingly, it was in the Room of Requirement. Without thinking, he wiped the map blank and stuffed it in his robes as he tore out of his dorm room and out of the Common Room.

A/N: Well, this story was to end soon, but I decided I'd extend it a bit more for you guys. I dunno if I'll write another fanfiction, but I was thinking about writing a story at fictionpress dot com. Anyway, should I agonize my characters for a few more chapters or should they live happily ever after in the next chapter?

Thanks to those who reviewed chapter 20: **Emrisah**, **ReadingRobyn**,** CASOCCERCHIC02**, **grannyHPfan**, **anon**, and **Animals are my LIFE**.

Oh! And do any of you have any good book recommendations? I want to read a good book.


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